So Cleveland. So Very Cleveland.

Apparently, Clevelanders are into boasting about how hardcore Cleveland they are because the Republicans are coming in 2016 and LeBron is rejoining the Cavs.

I'm so Cleveland, I still have the exact same job I got when I got out of college 20 years ago.*

I'm so Cleveland, I once punched an Oberlin student in the face at the airport for being annoying. No, they didn't arrest me. It was an Oberlin student.

I'm so Cleveland, I go to Lakewood and I name every bar that was there 25 years ago and who drank there.

I'm so Cleveland, you name a closed parish I can tell you where it is and what ethnicity the original congregation was.

I'm so Cleveland, I can tell you what Central European country your baba came from based on the curve of your nose and your last name.

I'm so Cleveland, I actual have ethnic stereotypes about the difference between Slovaks and Czechs.

I'm so Cleveland, I know how to get to Shaker Square. And when I'm there, I'm mourning the businesses that were there before they got evicted and they put in the Gap that closed 2 years later. (That was in '99-2000.)

I'm so Cleveland, I'm always surprised when an art museum want to charge me money to see the collection.

I'm so Cleveland, Case Western was my reach school.

I'm so Cleveland, I'm indignent when it's suggested I should change or evolve in any way.



*Seriously, my ex.

Watch The Bridge With Me This Summer. Please.

Season 2 of The Bridge started on Wednesday. I watched Season 1 last summer, and it was a delight. Well, okay not a delight--it is a dark and unforgiving show, just like the desert it's set in. Numerous people get killed in gruesome ways furthering the plot, but those deaths aren't titillating. Real events and news form the backbone of this story, and well if there's a weirdo serial killer hanging around, at least he's got a serious socio-political message.

And Lyle Lovett appears in several episodes, at one point carrying a three bean salad that's not a three bean salad, if you know what I mean. So while the first episode maybe didn't hook me, my 25 year crush on Lyle Lovett* kept me watching that second episode and after that I was devoted. I'm devoted because I like character driven dramas with incredibly twisty plots, sly touches of humor and excellent acting, and dialogue that dips in and out of English and Spanish appropriately.

To slightly recap season 1 (no spoilers, just the basics)--one night the lights go out on the bridge that separates El Paso, TX and Juarez, Mexico. When the lights come back on, there's a woman's body left in the middle of the bridge, half in each country. It turns out there's two half bodies switched, which brings police detectives Sonya Cross** and Marco Ruiz together to work the case. Also on that bridge was the car of local journalist Daniel Frye, local socialite Charlotte Millwright with her husband in an ambulance, and local weirdo/social worker Steven Linder, who has a woman in his trunk.

And from them it picks up strands of the drug trade, the prostitution trade, the missing women of Juarez, corruption in the Mexican police, smuggled migrants, and tells the story of what's going on with these characters and the symbiotic American relationship between America and Mexico. It's streaming on Hulu and Netflix at the moment, and the DVDs were released last month.

I was disappointed Matthew Lilliard (formerly best know as Shaggy from the Scooby-Do remake 10+ years ago)as reporter Daniel Frye didn't get an Emmy nod as he is fantastic in the role of a hardcore, functional addict whose journalistic brilliance is just managing to save everyone from giving up on him, kicking him in the ribs and leaving him in the gutter beside the taco stand. You understand why Adriana Mendez (another good performance by Emily Rios) sticks with him, and their actual friendship is refreshing.

Let me tell you, I would watch the spinoff where Daniel Frye and Adriana Mendez hangout and investigate and report on anything, a la State of Play (aka the fantastic British series that is the best thing about smart people thinking, writing and modern journalism that I have ever seen). Considering season 1 ends with them involved in the most local heartwarming story of a local 100 year old woman's birthday gone bad, I think we can look forward to this. Or maybe if we get Season 3, Adriana will do something on Mexican DIY abortion pill usage in Texas, considering what's gone on there in the last year.

So in case you also live in a place where it's too damn hot to leave the house (110 today!)give The Bridge a shot and come leave comments and let's talk and dissect.

*My other 25 year crush is on Henry Rollins. Make of this what you will.
**I promise, before season 2 is over I will deliver my epic Sonya Cross/Asperger's/superpower rant. Maybe multiple times.

There's Always A Cost To Someone

I sneered a little when I heard about Starbucks' new educations benefits. In general, I am a big believer that a benefit that doesn't fit the individual isn't really a benefit. I can't manage online courses, that's not how I learn. I also don't learn well in 5 week cram sessions. What if you just want an Associate's degree in accounting form the local community college, and not a degree from Arizona State University? ASU is no Harvard. Others came up with other drawbacks of this new program.

Then I thought about it a little more--I live near ASU. They've cut staff and faculty positions at a ferocious rate since 2008 when the economy crashed and the state had its budget crunch (remember how Arizona sold their state office buildings for quick cash and then rented back the office space? Fun times!)during which they cut funding to the three state universities. So...who is going to be teaching all these new online students?

Adjunct professors, working on contract without benefits.

So Starbucks, which prides itself on being good for workers by paying higher-than minimum wages and offering benefits to part-time workers, is actually exploiting another pool of workers. Kind of makes those $5 Create Jobs wristbands seem ironic.

I wonder how Howard Schulz explains all this? Because it seems like fairness for all workers is what we should be striving for, not exploiting one batch to help another.

Best Thing I Bought Recently: Cat Edition

Cain is a big fatty. And as the owner of a pudge pudge, it's been hard to find a good carrier to take him to the vet and other places. He's too big for the Made In America plastic carriers with the side clips--the last one I bought came apart as I was carrying him downstairs. A wire cage is awkward to take on the bus. I had a padded mesh shoulder carrier that was intended for small dogs, but after several years he had torn holes in the mesh and it was only a matter of time before he escaped.

With a semi-annual trip to the vet coming up, I needed a solution. A browse around the internet lead me to dog carriers, and the Snoozer 4 in 1 Roll Around. The large size holds a 30lb dog, so I can put both Cain and Willa in it if needed. I intend to use it as a rolling suitcase carrier, but it also can be worn as a backpack, fastened into the back seat of a car, and folds out into a bed. The small and medium sizes can be taken on a plane and stowed under the seat.

The mesh is a thick rubber, but Cain hasn't even tried to claw at it. It's padded inside, and an easy to clean vinyl-ish material. The attachable pad for the bottom is harder to keep attached--it fell off twice--but I seem to have the trick of attaching it now.

I used it on today's trip to the vet. It got a lot of attention, because hey, crazy cat lady on the bus with a handsome cat in a super posh carrier. Cain still cried on the way up to the bus stop and meowed on the bus, but he seemed to like the rolling after a while and how he could see more of the world but still feel safe. No clawing, and since it has plenty of room it was easy to put him in and hold him while I zipped it up. I hope this is something that I can use to give the cats adventure in the fall.

By the way, I bought this with my own money and that link isn't an affiliate link.

2 Toddlers, 2 Cats, 1 Adult And A 600 Square Foot Apartment

Tomorrow Peaches and the Plum are coming over for the whole day to hang out. It will be 103 degrees, so our outside time will be limited. I made a list of things for us to do.

Let's brush Cain

Let's give Cain a waterless bath

Let's be very quiet and hope Willa comes out from under the bed

Help Aunt Scar do her laundry

Aunt Scar's bed is a boat. Where are we sailing?

Hiding Monsters--Yes, it's an app, but the Plum likes to play his own version of hide and seek where he is the monster and someone has to find him.

Make a fort out of all Scar's books--I have a lot of books. I don't mind if the kids stack them like blocks.

Make a blanket cave

Watch the newborn kitten cam

Dance party

Take a bath

Take the bus somewhere--Maybe Essence Bakery? The kids like to take the bus.

Pit and eat all the cherries--It's May, therefore the start of the time when I spend half my takehome pay on cherries. I bought Raniers and regular sweet cherries today. So many cherries.

Go to the library--However, the library doesn't open until 1pm. Will we have enough to keep us busy until then?

Chihuly at the Desert Botanical Garden

Oh Saturday I took three buses to get to the Desert Botanical Garden to check out the blooming saguaro and the Chihuly exhibit in daylight.





I previously attended with my mom right before New Year, because I thought "Well, who else wants to see luminaria after Christmas?" Ha ha ha. Everyone wanted to see them. We were constantly dodging people who stopped in the middle of the path not to look at the sculpture but to take pictures. I find crowds uncomfortable, and then the added aggravation of people not even looking at the sculpture, and just mindlessly taking pictures to prove they were there and had consumed CULTURE, added to the general rage. So I put going back during daylight before the exhibit ends later this month on my to-do list. It was worth the sunburn.


Some of my experience this time around was colored by the fact I read Charles Stross's first two Laundry Files novels this week, and that makes the sculptures with their writhing feel particularly Chthulu-like.




See those snake heads?



Lilac polka dots do not decrease the feel of awe and energy.



And this gigantic thistle looks like an alien pod.

There were some lovely bird-like ones arranged around the pond that I saw at Christmas, but I believe that was closed due to the butterfly gardens. There are also more up the hill that are only visible at night.

You've got until the 18th to see them, and it was already 99-100 degrees yesterday (102 today) so get a move on! There's a reason they open the Zoo at 7am and the DBG at 8am here in Phoenix.

Times Like This, I Wish I Had A Boyfriend

Remember Uber's National Cat Day promotion? How in certain cities you got 15 minutes of kitten snuggle time and a cupcake for $20? Which face it, at certain times of my life I would have been a weekly user of such a service just for the stress relief. (And yes, even though I have 2 cats at home. Because kittens.)

The Arizona Humane Society has learned from their marketing stunt. For Valentine's Day, you can have a Kitty-Gram delivered to your sweetheart. For $150, you get a kitten (for keeps!), a starter care kit, and some candy
I guess.

So instead of an engagement ring, give your loved one a kitten! It's just as much of a commitment!

Merry Christmas From Kerry, The Cats, and The Roaches In My Sink

Current time: 10:54AM
Time I woke up: 4:50AM
Reason for waking: Sister Dusie was awake
Time Plum woke up: 6:30AM
Time Mom and Aces arrived for present opening: 6:55AM
Time Peaches woke up: 7:31AM

Number of cups of coffee I have had: 2
Number of pieces of bacon I ate: 1
Number of carrots eaten: 2
Probable time of lunch: 1pm

Number of books about trains I have read this morning: 3
Number of times I have read each of those books: At least 3
Maximum number of times I have read "Two Little Trains" by Margaret Wise Brown back to back: 4
Number of times I would read that book again at the behest of the Plum: Infinite

Items I brought realizing my sister would probably forget them: 4
Items: 4 boxes of fresh herbs for roast, can of biscuits, large sour cream, garlic
Item I should have located and brought: a meat thermometer
Chance we will have to put the roast back in the oven at least once: 75%
Time I left the house yesterday: 3:03pm
Items I left for the cats: wet food, dry food, water, freeze-dried turkey, a Catmas tree decorated with cat toys
Amount of hunger and pique I will experience upon my return: Considerable

Amount of times I was assured by Peaches that she really wanted me to sleep over on Christmas Eve: 2
And that I could share her bed: 2
Amount of time she allowed me to share her bed before having a meltdown and banishing me
to the couch: 1 hour
Time I will sneak off and take a nap in her bed: noon

Oddest item Santa brought: A Malibu Barbie Dream House
Amount of time it takes to put together a Barbie Dream House: 90 minutes
Most frugal item Santa brought: Aunt Aces' old sewing machine
Person who received both gifts: Peaches
Best joke posted to Facebook: Peaches holding a giant Hello Kitty alarm clock titled "Now I won't be late to my shift at Aunt Aces' sweatshop!"

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Things That Would Happen On This Week's Grey's Anatomy If I Were Writing It

Sadly, Grey's Anatomy is not even the worst show I watch. That would be Criminal Minds, with its paper thin characters, outlandish plots, and pungent blend of misogyny and martyrdom. Yes, I am ashamed and I wish I knew others who hate watched it so we could rant together. However, Grey's a special case because it has some very good and interesting actors, something of a feminist concept, tries to have interesting stories and concepts, and consistently misses the mark and is often a mess. So here's what I wish would happen tomorrow night on the season finale.


1) Dr. Arizona Robbins cheating on her wife with a visiting cranio-facial surgeon: Arizona finds out immediately that the surgeon Lauren has an amputee fetish as post-orgasm she develops diarrhea of the mouth and confesses that she never thought she'd meet a gorgeous lesbian amputee to have sex with and it's like the best experience of her life. Arizona is crushed, guilty and skulks around trying to avoid her wife. Callie knows something is off but doesn't find out what happened until next season, and for the sake of their daughter they try an open relationship. It does not work.

2) Dr. Alex Karev, his crush Intern Jo, and the tree that crashed through his house: So Intern Jo has previously been involved in a mutual assault with her boyfriend Chest Peckwell, in which she wound up with a black eye and he wound up with a subdural hematoma and brain surgery. Alex and Jo attempt to secure the house, and during this Jo gets trapped in the basement and drowns like poor Kate Fleming.

OR, with his house in ruins around him Alex realizes that getting together with a woman who has uncontrolled PTSD/anger/intimacy issues is a bad idea, and backs off from a relationship, forcing Jo into therapy. They eventually get together though, but she starts assaulting him. After months of this, Alex gets the help he needs, breaks up with her and leaves Seattle.

Alex gets a spin off in which he goes back to Iowa to help care for his mother and brother who have serious mental illnesses, force his sister to abandon her music career to go to college, and take up a new job at a hospital in Des Moines or Cedar Rapids or wherever. Oh, and finds a therapist.

3) Owen Hunt, Cristina Yang, and the plot moppet he wants to adopt: Cristina realizes Owen is an asshole, and calls off their post-divorce relationship in which they have sex and ignore the fact he's an abusive asshole who wants kids, and she does not want them. The moppet's dad dies during the storm and Owen adopts the kid and moves out to wherever the kid's grandmother lives to form a family and torture new people. Probably by finding another strong woman (but one who wants kids this time) and constantly undermining her and ignoring words coming out of her mouth.

4) April and her new fiance Matthew: Since doctors can only date other doctors in the Seattle Grace world, and especially since surgeons can only date other surgeons (Shonda Rhimes does not believe in class mixing), Matthew dies during the storm helping people. April blames herself and the fact she's not a virgin. She becomes an atheist and actually becomes tolerable, passes her boards and starts internet dating like an adult.

5) Bailey's loss of confidence and guilt that her staph infection killed several patients: Bailey develops OCD and has a nervous breakdown in the middle of the hospital. She ends the season in a straitjacket.

6) Meredith Grey and Derek Shepard's miracle baby is born during a horrible storm. Eh, everything goes smoothly until there's an emergency C-section, but everything is fine and it's all touching and whatnot.

Should I become a showrunner? Would you watch this?

A New Challenge

Before my therapy group dissolved, we talked about our past year and what we wanted for the future. I actually goals written around the theme of resources, financial, emotional, temporal, and physical. One of my ongoing issues is waste, and my own patterns around spending my energy, (mis)spending my money, and the fact that I know intellectually I have limitations, but not doing my best to maximize my resources. You know, by doing some clearheaded thinking, planning ahead, practicing patience and not giving into my emotions. One of the things I decided to do this year was a 1 week spending fast each quarter. The first one starts tomorrow.

The rules are simple: no shopping, no food buying, no restaurant meals, no impulse purchases because "I need" an item. In preparation, I made a list of what I do need before entering this week: a jug of cat litter, a 6 pack of Coke, a gallon of milk, and some chocolate. Seriously, I can scare up 21 meals out of the contents of my pantry and fridge. If I need entertainment, I can scour the tub or groom a cat. Or meditate. Listen to the radio. Paint my nails. Sleep. Cain and Willa have food and medicine, and even treats (okay, only Willa considers brussels sprouts a treat.)

I just got back from Target, where the shopping trip for my short list of supplies spiked my anxiety and a can of soup, a box of mac & cheese, and some rice pilaf also made their way into the bag. Yes, I should have put them back once I realized they were anxiety-quellers. But let's start small.

So Kerry, What Happened To You?

I know, you've wondered.

Have I:

• Fallen down a well?
• Had a nervous breakdown and been hanging out with Governor Jan Brewer's son at the Arizona State Hospital?
• Gotten a boyfriend?
• Even better than having me an ordinary, age-appropriate, fellow of similar interests who likes hanging out of me, have I enchanted a billionaire of kinky habits and a controlling nature who has been psychologically abusing me while making my way smooth and destroying my sense of self?
• Been writing fan fiction?

Sadly, none of the above. The truth is that after a year of not working, I know have 2 jobs, one of which is full-time and pays benefits and lets me be peppy and interact with people positively and be myself, and another on my days off which lets me be myself and peppy, but uses a different set of intellectual skills. I have two great managers, and overall I feel good about where I am professionally, although some (including my little niggling "you're not right" voice that pops up occasionally) might say I'm not doing well at all. Screw that.

But between work, and seeing my sister's kids any chance I get, and those general life organization tasks that I am continually overwhelmed by, I am very, very busy and about to get busier as I cover part of a maternity leave for 12 weeks. I'm planning on buying all the cat food and litter I could possibly need and stacking it in the living room. Oh, and did I mention that I really should move to be closer to the store? Like, before March 19th?

Ay yi yi.

Sign Up For World Book Night!

Folks, it's time to sign up to be a giver for World Book Night on April 23, 2013. I was a 2012 giver and it was tons of fun.

My first choice is Margaret Atwood's The Handmaid's Tale, which I think I will hand out around the State Capitol area. I will maybe also put together and include an handout about the recent legislation passed by nutjobs in the Arizona State Legislature that limit women's access to abortion, birth control and create the circumstances that lead to the experiences of Offred and the other women being stripped of their rights and forced into sexual slavery and servitude.

I also find the book Glaciers intriguing. My third choice is Devil In A Blue Dress. Other books on the list that I have on my ever-growing TBR list are The Tender Bar, Population: 485, Salvage The Bones, City of Thieves, Fahrenheit 451, and My Antonia.

Note To Self: Excellent Advice Edition

The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them--Maya Angelou

A Public Service Announcement From Cain And Kerry: You Should Be Brushing Your Cat's Teeth. No, Really.

Cat ladies and lovers, Cain and I recently had an upsetting experience involving his oral hygiene. A bit of background: Cain seems to be the cat who got a shitty genetic hand. Thank god he's neutered. Otherwise, he'd have sired huge fat diabetic gray kittens in 3 states. So yes, he developed diabetes at a young age, and he also seems to be ace at having tooth issues. A while back, the vet said that Cain had some buildup and that he thought Cain would lose one of his upper fangs/canines soon. He didn't, but when I took him for an exam in mid-September the teeth issues had become more pronounced and I decided to book him for a dental.

Now, a cat's dental treatment involves putting them under general anesthesia. Because really, is your cat going to realize that you want to open his mouth and scrap off plaque and tartar and cooperate? Hell no. And they don't make straightjackets in cat size. And Cain needed pre-work medical testing to ensure he didn't die on the table because he is 8. And Dr. Bishop only does these things on Wednesdays. And the vet's office messed up the first appointment and I had to reschedule. And then one of his bottom fangs fell out, which I didn't worry about because Dr. Bishop had said that usually happens with cats when the roots dissolve, and besides, what am I going to do?Put it in a glass of milk and rush it and him to the vet for re-implantation?

It turned out Cain's tooth roots do not dissolve and he must have been in great pain. Which because he is Cain, I couldn't tell. He needed gum surgery and to get his other bottom fang extracted.

Let me tell you this: Gum surgery for your cat is expensive. It's not as expensive as it would be for a human, but the techniques are similar.

So poor Cain was all traumatized and hated me for 12 hours after he got home. We're now back to normal. And he still has a nice smile.

The upshot is that you should brush your cats' teeth. Now that we've discussed what happens when you don't do that, I need to dip my finger in butter and massage my cats' gums, step one on the path to getting to the point where I can brush their teeth with a little brush and some liver flavored toothpaste.

This pet ownership thing is absurd.

Music To Wrap Up The Weekend: Sallie Ford And The Sound Outside

Political Animals And Other Topics Of Interest

I actually had something related to politics happen at work this week, but I'll save that story for later this week. However, a lot of political stuff has tickled me this week.

1. Courtesy of Dangerous Minds. I was completely tickled by this video.



Sing along, won't you?

2. So earlier this month I got a mailer from Brian Kaufman, who calls himself "The Independent Voice for Phoenix and Scottsdale." Which is bullshit--he's a Republican candidate for State Senate. But what caught my eye was the fact that unlike other candidates, who seem to be required to show themselves with evidence of their loving heterosexual marriage and 2.5 children (such as when Ben Quayle sent out a mailer in 2010 featuring himself and his nieces,) Kaufman's candidate photo shows him with his two dogs. POODLES. You can see it here.

Cute dogs.

3. One of my ongoing issues with politics in this country is that there is so much mealy mouthed politeness amongst its politicians. That's why this video of Australia's Prime Minister attacking the leader of the opposition for his history of of misogynistic and sexist comments and behavior is so great.

A little background: The Prime Minister is Julia Gillard. The fellow from her party, Peter Slipper, sent gross text messages to someone. David Abbott is the leader of the opposite party, and he wants Slipper out and for his party to have the advantage. So he made a motion to censor Slipper and also some sort of feel-good "Sexism is WRONG!" motion. And then Gillard hits him with the evidence.

It's 15 minutes long, but it is SO GOOD and worth a watch. Seriously, would this ever happen in the US? Oh, and I love an australian accent.



This piece provides an outline of all the high points. Even if the PM was mostly making the speech to defend the person from her own party and keep her razor-thin margin of

The New Yorker even weighs in on what Obama could learn from the Speech.

I Made New Recipes

One of my ongoing issues with being a single worker and homemaker is preparing meals and managing to take food to work. After 15 years in the workforce, I still suck at this.

However, I recently made an excellent lunch that traveled well and sustained me throughout my afternoon. It was a takeoff of this recipe for Black Bean Smothered Sweet Potatoes. What I did was bake 2 sweet potatoes, then take a bag of Target Mexican mix frozen vegetables, and cook them with the cumin and coriander in the linked recipe. The vegetable mix has black beans, corn, onion, and green peppers. I added that to the sweet potatoes, topped it with some Trade Joe's roasted tomato salsa and sour cream. So good!

Bountiful Baskets is back at my neighborhood pickup location, and 3 weeks ago they had leeks. Which was great, because I refused to purchase them at Sprouts due to cost-effectiveness. And I even got EXTRA leeks because I volunteered. I made this Chicken with creamy Braised Leeks. Unfortunately, it was not a keeper. But Cookbook, there's very little dairy in it and it could be Paleo?

This week I will be super busy with the opening, so I cooked or cut up up everything that was still edible in my fridge. I'll be eating a ton of Spicy Roasted Golden Beets. My sister is big on just roasting beets, which is good and all, but after a while their beetness drains. Yes, they are delicious, but after about half a cup the texture and taste bugs. I liked the idea of doing more to them, especially since I did not have tender young beets but larger ones and (confessional tone) they'd spent at least 2 weeks in my fridge. I will pair them with a Costco chicken and some rice pilaf for at least 3 meals. Then I might make chicken salad with my celery from BB, and figure out some more things to do with leftovers. I always save the chicken carcass for soup too.

What have you eaten lately that's good?

I Love Pop Music

This Is How We Make The Retail Sausage

I ache in places I never knew existed.

Even in my youth, I never worked retail. My introduction to the working world started in Princeton University's Firestone Library, and I have barely budged from the library world. It's a sedentary world filled with chubby women in bad clothes. We sit in chairs 90% of the time. My people! What am I doing abandoning you for customer service-oriented retail?

Oh wait, this is a job I can actually hired for and have a chance at. Hummph.

We started putting the store together on Wednesday. Our opening day is October 4th, and that gives us 3 weeks to learn the product, our coworkers and their quirks, and make the decisions about what to showcase and when to bring out the backstock. What we are doing now is putting every item on the shelves and fixtures.

I start work at 8am, just after the inventory and stock team have put the first truck's pallets of shoes on the floor. Then the whole store starts working like a little ant colony. We pick up some boxes and we take them back to the shelves for that size. Some people deputize themselves as carton openers, some as box breakers, but most of us dash down the aisles, saying "excuse me!" as we hunt for the shelf for the 6N shoes and try to remember which are the athletic brands.

Then we have a break with a little chat and a morning rally, and then break up. We, the women's division, vacuums our floor and dust our fixtures and shine the metal, and wax the racks. And then our pallets are ready and we get to work. We unpack and hang the items, take off the plastic, and put it out on the floor. The process isn't micromanaged--we move already as a team. Sometimes you notice the boxes are piling up and you break them down. Sometimes you put the last item on the rack and you take it to the floor. Sometimes you notice that one other woman is diligently unsheathing the dresses and you step in to help and meet her in the middle of the pile. Just keep doing is our motto.

I am on my feet and moving 8 hours a day. I told my mom and sisters that I would be getting a manicure/pedicure just for the chance to sit in the massage chair for an hour.

But oh, the clothes! We have so many nice things. I totally miss you, Cookbook and Genevieve, because I want to drag you into the store and dress you up. We have a brocade dress that Cookbook would look great in and we are also opening with a plus line so Genevieve and I will find clothing that will not make us hate our bodies. (Dibs on the olive green sweater with electric blue trim.)

As for me and my budget, I have vowed to buy for the size I am, not the size I think I am. I am also looking to purchase items that I can use to build my wardrobe and wear for a long time. I get a 20% discount on merchandise, but the day before the store opens we will have a little party and employee shopping day where we can get 30% off. Additionally, the buyers and vendors for the women's division (which is where I'll be working)have given us a bonus budget of $150 for clothes that can be worn at work (interpreted loosely). So odds are that yes, I will buying a pair of jeans. Not only a fashionable pair of dark denim, but a pair of jeans that actually fits. And if they are too long, I going to get the in-house tailor to hem them for me.

And I'll be using my employee discount for Christmas/birthday presents. Let me know what you want! Single Stila eyeshadows for everyone! Onesies for the babies! Sweaters galore!

Why Are We Cat Ladies? Marketing!

I went to the Target Pharmacy Friday morning to pick Mr. Fatty Fat Cat up a new bottle of insulin. As I completed my purchase, a coupon spit out for what strikes me as the most ridiculous cat product EVER: Fancy Feast Mornings.

Because cats eating breakfast is a thing. Now, keep in mind that all the flavors of these morning blends are meat, some egg, and some green stuff. This doesn't strike me as anything different from what cats usually eat for dinner. Because you know, cats have a culturally informed expectation of what their different meals should contain.

I asked Willa, the only wet food eater in the household, if she felt cheated that I just dish her out a tablespoon of a can of wet food every 75 minutes when she gets up on the counter and meows at me. She gave me a dirty look and dug into her first afternoon meal.

Focus group research says this idea is ridiculous, but so is paying 75 cents for 2 ounces of wet food. Frankly, if I could get Willa to eat human food, I'd cook for her. I'd save money, and she'd eat better.

I will admit, the cats in this commercial are DAMN cute.



Also damn cute? Lil Bub.

And a cat wearing a hat.

And a young cat pushing a tiny kitten in a miniature grocery cart.

And Squirrely, everyone's favorite hand-raised foundling.

And this particular Class War Kitteh.

Are you dead yet? Did that kill you?

Before you die, write out your will and tell your loved ones you need to be buried in Joe Browns Funky Cat Knitted Tunic.