The events (or nonevents) of my Saturday night prompt me to address something that has been bouncing around in my brain for a while, inspired by something Cookbook tweeted a while back: "You think I'm boring, don't you?"
Which I identify with because I think that of myself too. But it's a little deeper than that--I'm not actually boring, as I am interested in many, many things and I do like to talk to people. And I think a lot. And I seem to have these little quirks that I admit to that are at least odd. But a lot of the things that I do fall into one of three categories---solitary (reading, cranking around on the internet), female (cat rescue) or domestic (cooking).
It's the domestic side of things that causes tension. While I understand the comforts of a clean home, I feel trapped by two aspects of it. One, the drudgery angle. Good god, it's just washing, and straightening and keeping up with it all over and over again until I could start screaming. Second, that as a woman I am supposed to care about having matching furniture and whatnot and think constantly about the doing and redoing of things, the continual polishing of the jewel of the home.
And frankly, I just don't give a shit.
This past year, when I lived in 600 feet of empty (How empty? Wende would stretch out on the floor. I had 2 place settings of Corelle Christmas plates my sister gave me that I ate off.) apartment, I relished the simplicity of it. Okay, I also felt a bit embarrassed, but I wasn't too uncomfortable in my home. Having a desk makes life easier in that I have a place to use the computer and eat dinner, but overall there's not that much of a change. I feel freer than I have in a long time, free from having a house, from having obligations. I never wanted to travel or do anything adventuresome as I felt so overwhelmed. But now I have a restlessness that stems from being surrounded by the trappings of a home.
Some of this is ironic, as one of the things I wrestle with in my depression is I'm not happy with my lack of ties to the world, and how it is a scary place for me.
But back to the domestic, it seems like a continuum--young, single women demonstrating their marriageability by the depth of their domestic skills, catching a guy, and then getting trapped as the helpmeet in a weird reinforcing pattern as all your female friends are also domestic. That sounds harsher than I want it to--if you like to sew or cook or whatever, you should do it. My own lack of interest doesn't make me feel less female, but it does make me wonder a) if that's really What Men Want and b) yeah, is it part of a plot to keep women in place.
I mean, if I were a guy, I'd want some one with some excitement going on, passionate interests, interesting hobbies, work he/she loves, mastery.
I personally feel that being 34 and single, even if I'm not fully happy about how things are turning out, I dodged a bullet in some ways . And that bullet has "Overwork" engraved on it. One of the reasons I broke up with the ex is that I knew that if we had had a child, I'd get stuck doing it all. And I didn't care to relive my childhood with me in my mom's role. It seems that a lot of women with jobs and children just get stuck doing it all and setting impossible standards for themselves of a happy hablis domesticus without examining what's really going on, which is that it's actually killing them to perpetuate an unsustainable lifestyle.
Yes, I recognize my own ambivalence. I don't know what to say about it. All I can say is that even when I was young, all I wanted to be was happy. I chased after a dream of a husband and family that culture told me would make me happy, a dream that was completely at odds of my own experience growing up. So truly, I don't know and I don't have an answer.
So let's have a song!
Sunday, November 08, 2009
Foodie Rants and Raves
"The notion of a 48-inch bartender, convenient though it sounds, is of course grotesque."
Bullshit. What's grotesque is whoring out your kids for writing material. But aside from that, I really don't see what's wrong in giving kids little sips of things. Granted I come at this as someone who got little sips of things throughout her childhood and spit them out. I also recall a weird instance of my dad pressuring me to taste his wine when I was about 9 or 10 in a restaurant down in the Outer Banks. My grandma was a steady provider of beer foam to the under 5 set. I've never liked beer or wine, and I don't drink them now.
Substance misuse and who falls prey to it and why is more complicated than "I had a sip at age 5 and now I'm an alcoholic." While I'm sure for some that might be true, more often there's a mental health issue or trauma that someone is self-medicating--and when they start out they might not even know that they are self-medicating or why.
But I just dislike Wells anyway. Dexter may not be a bad kid; he just has an annoying dad.
It's nice to see others find Pollan sexist too.
This interview with a scavenger is interesting-- although the interviewer should have pressed him more on the topics of safety and contamination. But in the end the argument fails because while I agree that if it grows, it should be picked and used (although those palm trees are so high it's hard to get the dates and nuts off them), it's not sustainable for a large population to do this and that brings up the point that really, is it just a bunch of food geeks using this as a way to be competitive? Although out here a lot of church groups go gleaning for service projects--they pick the citrus off municipal trees to give to the food banks.
I can't stand W. Hodding Carter. My least favorite trope of American memoir is "I was blind but now I see, and I see in TECHNICOLOR AND I WILL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT BECAUSE YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN THINGS THE WAY I DO WITH MY NEW EYES!" There's something about born again frugal people that really chafes.
The part where I really started grinding my teeth was when he went into his no-spend month without doing more prep than putting gas in the car, and started extorting groceries from friends and neighbors. No wait, he calls it bartering. Very lopsided bartering.
I find people who do any sort of 180 behavior or personality change annoying and suspect generally. I mistrust them.
The high irony of people who want to make sure their eggs are humanely and sustainable raised but yet won't seek professional medical attention for them due to cost. Really? You expect me to believe that your backyard chickens are better cared for when you shove medical remedies you found on the internet down their throats instead of, you know, medicine? Or fixing their habitat? Or protecting them from predators?
Here is a respectful and loving use of chicken though. I'd like to see the exhibit.
Alton Brown! I learned how to cook in part by watching "Good Eats." Although I haven't watched it regularly in 5 years, I am thrilled that AB has released a collection of recipes based on the first years of the show. It's $22 at Costco. It's on my list of things I want.
Bullshit. What's grotesque is whoring out your kids for writing material. But aside from that, I really don't see what's wrong in giving kids little sips of things. Granted I come at this as someone who got little sips of things throughout her childhood and spit them out. I also recall a weird instance of my dad pressuring me to taste his wine when I was about 9 or 10 in a restaurant down in the Outer Banks. My grandma was a steady provider of beer foam to the under 5 set. I've never liked beer or wine, and I don't drink them now.
Substance misuse and who falls prey to it and why is more complicated than "I had a sip at age 5 and now I'm an alcoholic." While I'm sure for some that might be true, more often there's a mental health issue or trauma that someone is self-medicating--and when they start out they might not even know that they are self-medicating or why.
But I just dislike Wells anyway. Dexter may not be a bad kid; he just has an annoying dad.
It's nice to see others find Pollan sexist too.
This interview with a scavenger is interesting-- although the interviewer should have pressed him more on the topics of safety and contamination. But in the end the argument fails because while I agree that if it grows, it should be picked and used (although those palm trees are so high it's hard to get the dates and nuts off them), it's not sustainable for a large population to do this and that brings up the point that really, is it just a bunch of food geeks using this as a way to be competitive? Although out here a lot of church groups go gleaning for service projects--they pick the citrus off municipal trees to give to the food banks.
I can't stand W. Hodding Carter. My least favorite trope of American memoir is "I was blind but now I see, and I see in TECHNICOLOR AND I WILL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT BECAUSE YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN THINGS THE WAY I DO WITH MY NEW EYES!" There's something about born again frugal people that really chafes.
The part where I really started grinding my teeth was when he went into his no-spend month without doing more prep than putting gas in the car, and started extorting groceries from friends and neighbors. No wait, he calls it bartering. Very lopsided bartering.
I find people who do any sort of 180 behavior or personality change annoying and suspect generally. I mistrust them.
The high irony of people who want to make sure their eggs are humanely and sustainable raised but yet won't seek professional medical attention for them due to cost. Really? You expect me to believe that your backyard chickens are better cared for when you shove medical remedies you found on the internet down their throats instead of, you know, medicine? Or fixing their habitat? Or protecting them from predators?
Here is a respectful and loving use of chicken though. I'd like to see the exhibit.
Alton Brown! I learned how to cook in part by watching "Good Eats." Although I haven't watched it regularly in 5 years, I am thrilled that AB has released a collection of recipes based on the first years of the show. It's $22 at Costco. It's on my list of things I want.
Thursday, November 05, 2009
Dear Government
Dear Government,
I know you are very interested in propping up the economy by getting people to buy houses and extending unemployment benefits. And "Cash for Clunkers" also gave the economy a bump higher then meth. But fripperies help the economy too! Would you front me some cash for this? Or these (size 8.5)?
Come on, in absence of a workable health plan I should get something.
Best wishes,
Your citizen,
Kerry
I know you are very interested in propping up the economy by getting people to buy houses and extending unemployment benefits. And "Cash for Clunkers" also gave the economy a bump higher then meth. But fripperies help the economy too! Would you front me some cash for this? Or these (size 8.5)?
Come on, in absence of a workable health plan I should get something.
Best wishes,
Your citizen,
Kerry
Sunday, November 01, 2009
Gingerbread For Cookbook
Distraught about the demise of Gourmet, Cookbook sent out a call for people to make recipes from the magazine and report back. I found this gingerbread in an issue I have kicking around and decided to make it, despite the fact it was 85 degrees here today. It's good. I'll have some for breakfast tomorrow, but what I think I will do is add some chile-spiced dried pineapple, orange zest, maybe some other tropical dried fruit, and make crazy, crazy fruitcake this winter.
Library 101
I first twigged to this via The Annoyed Librarian. In the interests of being fair, I watched the video. I only got as far as the punk rock solo, but that's 5 minutes in. Really, I thought I was going to have a seizure.
In further interests of being fair, I went and read some of the accompanying essays. And I didn't wind up uplifted and empowered. I wound up pissed, because the whole package is fucking juvenile and vague, and it positions itself as being what libraries and librarians need to do to survive. But it's content free. It's not solutions or recommendations about how to actually improve or change things in the library, any pathways to the big problems.
Hell, I'm not even looking for evidence based practices here. I'd go for a solid recommendation based on a promising pilot program or an in-depth case study.
It's insulting because of the underlying assumption that libraries aren't locally focused, filled with curious people with good "soft skills" who are also crack information professionals willing to meet the user on his level and help him to climb above it. It's a bunch of platitudes that if you've been around the library world long enough, you've heard 10,000 times and bear no resemblance to the challenges the institutions currently face. And it's tiresome to hear leading library lights mouth the same old lines.
In further interests of being fair, I went and read some of the accompanying essays. And I didn't wind up uplifted and empowered. I wound up pissed, because the whole package is fucking juvenile and vague, and it positions itself as being what libraries and librarians need to do to survive. But it's content free. It's not solutions or recommendations about how to actually improve or change things in the library, any pathways to the big problems.
Hell, I'm not even looking for evidence based practices here. I'd go for a solid recommendation based on a promising pilot program or an in-depth case study.
It's insulting because of the underlying assumption that libraries aren't locally focused, filled with curious people with good "soft skills" who are also crack information professionals willing to meet the user on his level and help him to climb above it. It's a bunch of platitudes that if you've been around the library world long enough, you've heard 10,000 times and bear no resemblance to the challenges the institutions currently face. And it's tiresome to hear leading library lights mouth the same old lines.
Warning: Vitriol and Bad Language Ahead
I'm on a tear, want a fight, and have been getting angry. Stormy waters ahoy!
Saturday, October 31, 2009
More On Cities (But Not About Cleveland)
What Could Make Someone Leave New York And Move To Buffalo?
"Fastest Dying Cities" Meet For A Lively Talk
Faded Glory--Polishing A City's Jewels
A One-Company Town Loses Its Company
What Happens When GM Closes A Plant
More Then A Union Job
Deskbound, Romancing The Brick
When we were headed up the mountain to Globe, Wende said, "Hey, did you see that article in the WSJ on dying cities?" and then let me yammer for 15 miles.
Where to begin? And let me cop to these facts: I am extremely cynical, I have no sentimental ties to any particular place, and I have been working on this post for about a year.
Look, those cities are dying for good reason. There's no job opportunities, first off, They're talking a good game now about attracting new people, incubating business, revamping themselves but honestly? Too little too late. And frankly, getting upset about people talking about your problems? Quit being delusional that not actually being honest and direct about the state of the community will somehow help you to keep business and population.
When I was in Cleveland, SuperC and I went over to her exhibit at the Levin College of Urban Affairs, and I about flipped when I saw one of the poster for an upcoming forum, one that to my eyes prioritized green housing and agriculture over the more basic elements of livable wages and a diversified economy. Priorities, people!
It's not that I don't think that housing is an important piece of the puzzle though. When I was doing some research on housing issues, I spoke to someone at The Drachman Institute who had some great observations about building communities. She said that the most important things to build a community were public transportation accessibility and energy efficient housing, and that the beauty of Arizona is that too many mistakes hadn't been made yet outside the two major cities. The problem with trying to revamp these cities, is that even if you get an interest in terms of population and water availability, you're looking at 50+ years of decaying and unmaintained infrastructure, a surfeit of housing that can't be retrofitted to meet the same standards as new, and crap public transit. You're looking at bulldozing most of the city in an attempt to start for fresh, and at that point, do you really have the same city?
Oh, but wait--young intellectuals, the artists, the skilled entrepreneaurs will save the cities!
Those people that have the skills to revive cities are not necessarily homegrown and that's a challenge for two reasons. Part of it is that in a smaller cities with a limited business climate, there's fewer connections to make, fewer chances to take chances, and fewer ways to hone your skills through competition. It's like being the best student in a crappy high school, getting into a great college, and failing out because you just can't compete in the larger world not because of innate talent but because you just don't have the background. Or for example, the musician/firefighter in "More Than A Union Job" who says about his own career, living in a place where there's no possibility of advancement just traps you. He should be at captain level, but with the cutbacks in his department there is no position for him to be promoted into.
But if the people who can revive cities are coming from other places, those cities are going to have to change their attitudes and become more welcoming and friendly towards outsiders. One of the reasons why the cities have had such trouble is that there's been little migration into the community--there's no one who can shake things up, point out flaws, make suggestions and bring new ideas to the table. Those cities will have to stop treating non-natives like interlopers who don't understand their special circumstances and pitching fits when people point out things don't work and need to change.
And over reliance on the large scale manufacturing that the cities have typically hung their hats on doesn't allow for the mix of skills development and creativity that can make manual work rewarding. When you spend 50-75 years inculcating an attitude of fatalistic fuedalism in your population and dependence upon a set of jobs that require limited skills but pay well, you cripple your working population. Ben Hamper's memoir Rivethead, telling of his years on a Flint auto line, is a darkly funny/depressing story of a smart guy who winds up in a dehumanizing and boring situation that nearly destroys him.
I think that there's a weird strain of preservation in American culture, a feeling that since we are such a young country that everything must be memorialized and stay exactly as it is rather than acceptance that things change, cities die, industries die, we move on and regroup. And that's not bad or sad, but natural.
"Fastest Dying Cities" Meet For A Lively Talk
Faded Glory--Polishing A City's Jewels
A One-Company Town Loses Its Company
What Happens When GM Closes A Plant
More Then A Union Job
Deskbound, Romancing The Brick
When we were headed up the mountain to Globe, Wende said, "Hey, did you see that article in the WSJ on dying cities?" and then let me yammer for 15 miles.
Where to begin? And let me cop to these facts: I am extremely cynical, I have no sentimental ties to any particular place, and I have been working on this post for about a year.
Look, those cities are dying for good reason. There's no job opportunities, first off, They're talking a good game now about attracting new people, incubating business, revamping themselves but honestly? Too little too late. And frankly, getting upset about people talking about your problems? Quit being delusional that not actually being honest and direct about the state of the community will somehow help you to keep business and population.
When I was in Cleveland, SuperC and I went over to her exhibit at the Levin College of Urban Affairs, and I about flipped when I saw one of the poster for an upcoming forum, one that to my eyes prioritized green housing and agriculture over the more basic elements of livable wages and a diversified economy. Priorities, people!
It's not that I don't think that housing is an important piece of the puzzle though. When I was doing some research on housing issues, I spoke to someone at The Drachman Institute who had some great observations about building communities. She said that the most important things to build a community were public transportation accessibility and energy efficient housing, and that the beauty of Arizona is that too many mistakes hadn't been made yet outside the two major cities. The problem with trying to revamp these cities, is that even if you get an interest in terms of population and water availability, you're looking at 50+ years of decaying and unmaintained infrastructure, a surfeit of housing that can't be retrofitted to meet the same standards as new, and crap public transit. You're looking at bulldozing most of the city in an attempt to start for fresh, and at that point, do you really have the same city?
Oh, but wait--young intellectuals, the artists, the skilled entrepreneaurs will save the cities!
Those people that have the skills to revive cities are not necessarily homegrown and that's a challenge for two reasons. Part of it is that in a smaller cities with a limited business climate, there's fewer connections to make, fewer chances to take chances, and fewer ways to hone your skills through competition. It's like being the best student in a crappy high school, getting into a great college, and failing out because you just can't compete in the larger world not because of innate talent but because you just don't have the background. Or for example, the musician/firefighter in "More Than A Union Job" who says about his own career, living in a place where there's no possibility of advancement just traps you. He should be at captain level, but with the cutbacks in his department there is no position for him to be promoted into.
But if the people who can revive cities are coming from other places, those cities are going to have to change their attitudes and become more welcoming and friendly towards outsiders. One of the reasons why the cities have had such trouble is that there's been little migration into the community--there's no one who can shake things up, point out flaws, make suggestions and bring new ideas to the table. Those cities will have to stop treating non-natives like interlopers who don't understand their special circumstances and pitching fits when people point out things don't work and need to change.
And over reliance on the large scale manufacturing that the cities have typically hung their hats on doesn't allow for the mix of skills development and creativity that can make manual work rewarding. When you spend 50-75 years inculcating an attitude of fatalistic fuedalism in your population and dependence upon a set of jobs that require limited skills but pay well, you cripple your working population. Ben Hamper's memoir Rivethead, telling of his years on a Flint auto line, is a darkly funny/depressing story of a smart guy who winds up in a dehumanizing and boring situation that nearly destroys him.
I think that there's a weird strain of preservation in American culture, a feeling that since we are such a young country that everything must be memorialized and stay exactly as it is rather than acceptance that things change, cities die, industries die, we move on and regroup. And that's not bad or sad, but natural.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Things To Do Around Town
We're always busting out the mid-century modern here, but hello! Tours of the Hotel Valley Ho! At $20 it's a bit expensive, but I think it's worth it. Less than the $200 to stay there, plus you learn about the fabulous mid-century design and the 2005 renovation. To bad Trader Vic's doesn't serve lunch, but there's a fancy restaurant at the hotel. Hmmm.
ASU has a cool design exhibit, but it's only next week, weekdays 8-5pm. Boo!
Our light rail is drunken party central, but tomorrow night it promises to be filled with ZOMBIES. I am riding, and Anners is thinking about joining me. Aces? Wende?
ASU has a cool design exhibit, but it's only next week, weekdays 8-5pm. Boo!
Our light rail is drunken party central, but tomorrow night it promises to be filled with ZOMBIES. I am riding, and Anners is thinking about joining me. Aces? Wende?
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Look Away, Cleveland Lovers!
Sometimes I think that I'm too hard on Cleveland. And then I come across something like this, courtesy of Cleveland Bachelor, and I think "no, I am exactly right about Cleveland and its effect upon people."
How does (if at all) Cleveland influence your work and/or art?
Cleveland is a city of indeterminate and unabated potential manifested intermittently in brief, but intense bursts. When you love such a city, as I do, the promise of that potential sits at the heart of your attraction. Relationships based on a one-sided attraction to intense, but infrequently manifested potential must surely tend towards the passionate, painful and demoralizing. Long term devotion to such a relationship might even produce a kind of bitter resolve that stubbornly agitates for realized potential, accepting enough brief manifestations to get through the day, while ultimately suspecting that all is lost. It might also make you a bit of an asshole.
Maybe this what non-Clevelanders mean when they talk about a “Cleveland attitude.” If it is, then I’ve got one.
How does (if at all) Cleveland influence your work and/or art?
Cleveland is a city of indeterminate and unabated potential manifested intermittently in brief, but intense bursts. When you love such a city, as I do, the promise of that potential sits at the heart of your attraction. Relationships based on a one-sided attraction to intense, but infrequently manifested potential must surely tend towards the passionate, painful and demoralizing. Long term devotion to such a relationship might even produce a kind of bitter resolve that stubbornly agitates for realized potential, accepting enough brief manifestations to get through the day, while ultimately suspecting that all is lost. It might also make you a bit of an asshole.
Maybe this what non-Clevelanders mean when they talk about a “Cleveland attitude.” If it is, then I’ve got one.
Monday, October 19, 2009
I Shouldn't Care About the Library Journal Salary And Placement Survey
But I sort of do.
I just can't reconcile the sunny spin they are trying to put on the numbers with the facts that the number of full time jobs available shrank 20%, if you're a woman you make less than a man (in a profession with a 80%/20% female to male ratio), if you're a minority you have better chances securing a job and a higher salary, if it's your second or third career you may be able to get a job as an academic librarian, and average starting salaries are down. Go read it yourself and tell me if your take is less depressing than mine.
I just can't reconcile the sunny spin they are trying to put on the numbers with the facts that the number of full time jobs available shrank 20%, if you're a woman you make less than a man (in a profession with a 80%/20% female to male ratio), if you're a minority you have better chances securing a job and a higher salary, if it's your second or third career you may be able to get a job as an academic librarian, and average starting salaries are down. Go read it yourself and tell me if your take is less depressing than mine.
Other People Say It Better
From Carolyn Hax's "Tell Me About It" chat on 10/9:
Is it easier to be unhappy?: I recently read one of your columns where you said it was easy to be unhappy. Do you think it's easier to be unhappy? With now many years of experience under your belt, why do you think people protect their bitterness, anger, weaknesses and past truamas to the end,no matter what they lose? I've watched some people lose almost everything and everyone in order to hang on to what a friend called "their triumphant unhappiness."
Carolyn Hax: I love that phrase, please thank your friend for it.
Yes, I do think it's easier -day-to-day- to be unhappy. meaning, when we're faced with these little decisions about how to perceive something, it's always a little bit easier to blame than it is to celebrate (how often is it "another bleeping meeting," vs. a chance to leave your desk, see some people, scam a donut?), and it's always a little bit easier to put that blame on someone/something else.
Long run, those little easy choices make life -so- much harder, which is what life amounts to when you're pessimistic and/or fundamentally negative. You choose to accept a lower allotment of joy.
The reason I think it's harder in the short run to choose celebration over blame is that you have to take responsibility for more of your own bad outcomes, you have to be grateful for what you have when you're plainly receiving less than someone else, and you have to make a conscious decision to assess individuals and discrete situations solely on their merits, instead of just lumping them all into some category of Things You Already Know. In other words, you have to assign yourself to the role of student in life, instead of the more secure feeling Master of All Knowledge.
Choosing optimism is choosing vulnerability and humility on an ongoing basis, and that's often in conflict with our nature.
Is it easier to be unhappy?: I recently read one of your columns where you said it was easy to be unhappy. Do you think it's easier to be unhappy? With now many years of experience under your belt, why do you think people protect their bitterness, anger, weaknesses and past truamas to the end,no matter what they lose? I've watched some people lose almost everything and everyone in order to hang on to what a friend called "their triumphant unhappiness."
Carolyn Hax: I love that phrase, please thank your friend for it.
Yes, I do think it's easier -day-to-day- to be unhappy. meaning, when we're faced with these little decisions about how to perceive something, it's always a little bit easier to blame than it is to celebrate (how often is it "another bleeping meeting," vs. a chance to leave your desk, see some people, scam a donut?), and it's always a little bit easier to put that blame on someone/something else.
Long run, those little easy choices make life -so- much harder, which is what life amounts to when you're pessimistic and/or fundamentally negative. You choose to accept a lower allotment of joy.
The reason I think it's harder in the short run to choose celebration over blame is that you have to take responsibility for more of your own bad outcomes, you have to be grateful for what you have when you're plainly receiving less than someone else, and you have to make a conscious decision to assess individuals and discrete situations solely on their merits, instead of just lumping them all into some category of Things You Already Know. In other words, you have to assign yourself to the role of student in life, instead of the more secure feeling Master of All Knowledge.
Choosing optimism is choosing vulnerability and humility on an ongoing basis, and that's often in conflict with our nature.
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