Before I left Ohio, I buried a little statue of St. Joseph under the lavender bush in the front yard. For those of you who aren't Catholic, when you have trouble selling your house you can bury a St. Joseph in the yard and pray to him and he'll help you find a buyer. St. Joseph is the patron saint of fathers and carpenters, so he's generally interested in the real estate troubles of people with starter houses. (Look, I know I'm not the most spiritually advanced person out there, but cobbled together folk Catholicism fills what little God-shaped hole I have.) Anyway, I have been having problems with the whole praying bit, although I do have a candle.
But, as The Don's daughter, I'm throwing down the way he would, bribery-style. Please, please St. Joe, sell my house and I'll give your nuns $300. There's 2 showings this weekend, and it's been on the market 6 months at a good price and I'll consider any offer. I'll venerate you in my odd, barely confirmed, Vatican 3.0 way. There will be a diorama involved.