Monday, August 02, 2010


Okay, friends: I realize I have let all this lapse a bit. Part of it is I don't know what to write about as I used to use it as a place for telling my adventures and letting Aunt Mary Jane know what's up. Since her death there's been little reason to do that. Links? That's only good if you can either get a good head of steam or discuss them in context of other things, and sometimes that content seems stale when I get around to it. So here's what's going on instead of me sitting down and writing.

1) Work: My job and I are not good friends these days for various reasons. I worked until 7:30pm on Friday; I went in for a bit on Saturday; I stayed until 8pm tonight and that pattern will continue. It's stealing my mental and emotional energy. I am tired, burnt out, and apathetic.

Oh, and you know it's bad when the LDS coworker mimes shooting himself in the head when asked how he's doing. I can't hold it against him; I feel the same way. We either need to finish FAST or call in a medium for Henry V to give us the St. Crispin's Day speech.

And I have other projects that I'd like to get started on, but lack energy and time. So, things are sucky. I am fantasizing about becoming a cabbie. Or a maid at La Quinta down the street.

2) The home place: I still haven't started selling my vintage. I scavenged a futon frame from a coworker but I need to purchase the mattress and a cover. I am going to try to post some pictures and ask for advice. Dusie brought the baby over to meet kitties (only Cain came out) and as she was leaving she told Peaches, "Aunt Kerry has lived here almost 2 years--really, it's time to settle in!" Which I agree with, especially since I'll be in this complex at least another year, but it's just time and money.

Oh and the neighbors' cats are making me sad. Spazz has shitty owners who leave him out a lot. He's becoming more fearful of people, including me. He seemed to be joined lately by a little kitten who is a throwaway--seriously, he can't be more than 4 months and so tiny--who you can't get closer to than 5 feet even when he's hungry and you've dished out wet food.

Willa and Cain are well--Cain's put on 3 pounds with his insulin and new food and seems happier and more affectionate. Willa is crazy. More on that later.

3) Therapy/My mental health: I am I still depressed? Yes, but manageably. We've started unpacking and trying to figure out some of the bigger damage issues--my lack of passion, ambition, ongoing, ingrained fear of people and myself, lack of confidence. FUN THINGS.

Which brings up something from a conversation I had with Dusie this weekend--those of you who know me in person, have you ever thought I had Asperger's or autism-like behaviors? I'm curious--I mean, I think most of my oddness can be traced to the familial mood disorders and bullying and the cult-like family, but you know, my sisters are fine. Or, fine-ish, at least.

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