I went to the Target Pharmacy Friday morning to pick Mr. Fatty Fat Cat up a new bottle of insulin. As I completed my purchase, a coupon spit out for what strikes me as the most ridiculous cat product EVER: Fancy Feast Mornings.
Because cats eating breakfast is a thing. Now, keep in mind that all the flavors of these morning blends are meat, some egg, and some green stuff. This doesn't strike me as anything different from what cats usually eat for dinner. Because you know, cats have a culturally informed expectation of what their different meals should contain.
I asked Willa, the only wet food eater in the household, if she felt cheated that I just dish her out a tablespoon of a can of wet food every 75 minutes when she gets up on the counter and meows at me. She gave me a dirty look and dug into her first afternoon meal.
Focus group research says this idea is ridiculous, but so is paying 75 cents for 2 ounces of wet food. Frankly, if I could get Willa to eat human food, I'd cook for her. I'd save money, and she'd eat better.
I will admit, the cats in this commercial are DAMN cute.
Also damn cute? Lil Bub.
And a cat wearing a hat.
And a young cat pushing a tiny kitten in a miniature grocery cart.
And Squirrely, everyone's favorite hand-raised foundling.
And this particular Class War Kitteh.
Are you dead yet? Did that kill you?
Before you die, write out your will and tell your loved ones you need to be buried in Joe Browns Funky Cat Knitted Tunic.