Wardrobe Therapy: Week 5 Questions

And we come to a finish...

Looking over the items from past weeks that suit you and make you happy (particularly the Superstars), what features (shape, color, fabric, etc.) define your personal style?

Okay, I didn't ever get around to taking pictures in week 3 of my suits and bottoms, so you'll have to trust me on this. And I currently have little lighting or anywhere but the bed or the floor for photographs, so you might get them in the future, but maybe not.

But here goes:

A line skirts
Polka dots
Sweaters
Cashmere and other soft natural fabrics
Embroidery--I have black and tan as neutrals, but I typically pair that with at least 2 forms of color
Color--green and purples and red/pink. Also orange, although I don't have much.
Contrast detailing
Pink

Today's outfit is an example--I have on black pants, the black suede heels with grey trim, a winter white sweater with my rose scarf, and my pink corduroy jacket. As accessories, I have my pink ring and my black purse. My mom is coming intonight so I am expected at Dusie's.

If you had to sum up your personal style in 5 words or fewer, what would those words be?

Contrasting, detailed, authoritative yet friendly.

But I really like how Wende described me: Yes, contrasting lining IS you. Piping, too. Like how people expect French chocolate boxes to be, with one colored paper on the outside and another (polka-dot?) paper on the inside, and all the cups holding the chocolate in colors that pick up the colors in the paper. Sensual and at the same time with a little crispness and order, and a sense of working one's way to a pleasant surprise.

Which explains my polka dot love--you have contrast and color all in one!

As for contrast--I think I'm drawn to it because I'm so many things at once I find it hard to label or describe myself. Extreme logic combined with extreme emotion, moving between two modes within seconds.I'm a prep school graduate with a thing for country music. A liberal wannabe gun nut who is sort of looking forward to anarchy in the streets. A rules-loving rebel. A very smart woman who sucked at school. An obsessive reader who doesn't own books.

How does that style connect to your values?

Values: I think Wende and I have differing definitions of this word and I’m not sure if we’re on the same page. So I am going to answer the question in a roundabout way with a series of insights/stories.

A while back on her blog she had a question up—what are the three things you want the other to think of you when you first meet and get to talking? I said that I wanted the other person to be charmed, a little turned on in an intellectual fashion, and surprised.

Then I tipped the cup of honesty over. I confessed that this was because if you were charmed by me, you wouldn’t hurt me. If you were surprised, and turned on, I had a little power over you.

I was a little embarrassed to be so honest, and weird, but it’s accurate. I don’t have a lot of faith in getting a basic level of decent kindness and respect from the world as an anonymous person walking down the street. There is something about me that attracted at best others’ indifference and at worst cruelty when I was young. I am always afraid that that is going to be flung my way in any sort of situation. So my clothes and my manners shield me—I don’t want to call attention to myself, but I also don’t want to give you any reason to stereotype me or not take me seriously. Lord knows the boisterousness does that job. If you have to work to find who I really am, you’re not going to be able to hurt me—it won’t be worth the bother. People are lazy. You don’t have to like me; you do have to be respectful.

So that’s how I navigate the world. I realize and agree that this thought pattern is a little screwy. Truly, it’s based on a lot of bad experience. I was going to go back to therapy for multiple reasons, not just that this is detrimental--I'm actually comfortable with the thought, just not the behaviors it provokes. Aside from my choice of clothes.

On another note…

See that photo of my Christmas card above? I was walking off to mail them when I was reminded that that illustration looked like something I was given when I was very small, a china snack plate and teacup set. At the bottom of the cup there’s a picture of a woman’s face—big eyes, red lips, little spit curls. I was only allowed to use this on special occasions like my birthday or dire sickness. And it hit me—that’s what I’ve been trying to look like most of my life. This is the image that formed my fascination with bobbed hair and red lipstick and pale skin. Everything I buy and feel comfortable with can be traced back to this image. Granted my flapper girl style is more mussed around the edges like poor Clara Bow; but like Clara, I’m a real person with bad memories creeping around the edges.

Here’s the thing—I like my clothes, I like myself, and I think that both go together very well. Alone, I choose well for myself and I just need to keep a running inventory of where I have gaps and actually make it a habit to go out and try to fill the needs.

And what WT gave me is permission to express that bit of formality and remove that I need to be more comfortable in the world. I don't like looking sloppy or "comfortable" in my clothing--my level of casual is other people's business dress.

Thanks, Wende. I learned a lot.

Priorities/Needs:
Orange cardigan
Black cardigan
New suit w/ skirt for fall/winter and another for spring/summer
Bras
More shoes that are suitable for work but can also be worn on weekends for doing non-athletic things.
More black pants and skirts that can be worn over the next few months at work—I just have a death of things here.