Monday, April 26, 2010

Idiot Neighbors

Dear neighbors,

You are so lucky that when I was awakened at 3am by the sounds of a shoot 'em up video game, I was not wearing pants. Had I been wearing pants, my first action would have been to hunt you down and shriek. Instead, I just lay there in the half-acre of endurance between sleep and wake until you stopped, growing steadily irritated but just a little too coldl to actually find and put on pants.

Note to self: You know, awakened at 3am for any reason and having to go to work by 8am, the best order of business is just to get up and get ready for the day. Hell, go out to breakfast. Because trying to get back to sleep just leads to oversleeping.

Dear other neighbors,

Look, this is an apartment complex in a busy urban neighborhood. Letting your animals run around is insanely stupid. Yes, I get it that Jojo is a little, cute, friendly dog that you feel you can adequately supervise from the second floor balcony, but how will you pick up her poop? Hmmm? Not to mention she might appreciate a longer walk than a quick run around a 8x20 foot piece of grass.

Oh, and I get that Spazz can be annoying. Frankly having a Russian blue mix myself, I know they are noisy, obstinate, whiny creatures. However, you have a teenage cat you haven't neutered. Just wait until he starts coming home with injuries from fights. They Phoenix Animal Control people had a truck out here for a week about 6 months ago, and they were trapping loose cats. Do you want to lose him?

Besides, I once had to pull Willa off the railing as she was working out if she could jump 2 stories and land on him. Please. For the sake of us all, keep him inside and get him neutered.


thelady said...

"Besides, I once had to pull Willa off the railing as she was working out if she could jump 2 stories and land on him."

LOL at this image.

Mella DP said...

Heh. My thoughts at 3am today:

Dear Neighbors,

Your lease, like mine, explicitly prohibits keeping dogs on the property. Allowing yours to run up and down the stairs barking in the middle of the night will not charm your neighbors into keeping your secret. Especially not when he spooks my cuddly, sleeping cat, who startles awake and digs all twenty claws into my stomach.