Sunday, August 28, 2011

True Confessions: Let's Embrace Mistakes, Kerry

First, a little context--I have been out at the Marlboro Mesa since Tuesday night taking care of Harley and the house. Dusie, Jesse X and the baby all went to New Jersey for Jesse X's dad's retirement party. Yes, they got caught by Irene. They will be back Tuesday afternoon instead of today.

So when I stay out here I can drive the Honda. And on Wednesday morning as I went to my apartment to change, I crunched my sister's car on the pylon on one side of my parking space. The car is driveable, and I was able to continue watching Harls. And I emailed Dusie and Jesse X immediately to let them know what Idiot Sister had done. Dusie didn't yell at me, she just told me not to worry and that it was just a car.

I have to confess that my first instinct is intense fear that I'm going to be yelled at. There were so many rages for just little things and mistakes in my childhood, that even though I know that people make mistakes, I feel sometimes that I have to be perfect. And sometimes I wonder now if I am not being hard enough on myself, the reason why I keep fucking up is because I am not harder on myself.

Then I checked my messages on Thursday. I had gotten a call about an application I had sent in for a really cool job, and missed the phone message with my changeover to the new phone and everything. Too late for an interview. Let's embrace our mistakes some more, Kerry!

And then also on Thursday, I got told I was getting fired and my last day is September 9th. I was already planning to leave in October after the reports were published. And this wasn't unexpected --I am a crappy auditor, but it's an insane job. And I have savings put aside and will be okay--I was already applying for jobs and preparing a stockpile of necessities. But yeah, fired, and they want me to keep it quiet and keep showing up for 2 weeks. As Aces said, "Firing--ur doin it rong." I'm telling my closest work friends, of course. And using some as references and keeping in touch.

So, yeah. A crappy week. Hugs?


lauralynne said...

Oh, boo. :( Definitely hugs.

Cookbook said...

Yeah, hugs for sure.

And indeed they are doin it wrong!

Anonymous said...

Oh, Kerry. Hugs from me, too.

And eff them with that "keep it quiet" business.

You could remind yourself of the fact that you managed to put savings aside. That a huge un-mistake, you know?

Jeannie G.