Saturday, December 31, 2011

2011: The Year I Managed Not To Go Crazy

That's pretty much the sum of it. 2011 was slated to be the year I had a major depressive episode, following the cycle I had been working on since 2002.*

But I DIDN'T! Thank you Lexapro and Wendy the Therapist! And the Group Therapy Ladies! And all of you! Because my blog and its readers are part of my support system.

Big Things In 2011

So I had a bad and crazy job, and I got fired. But it was redeemed by the fact that I had a network of other people at the job who knew and talked about how it was crazy, so I wasn't the only one. And right before I left, I pointed The Huntress to the next job that she took, getting her out of the crazy and robbing old job of their most senior person by far at her level. She is much happier in her new position.

Oh, and because they fired me, I get unemployment. I had been planning to quit anyway; this just makes it a little easier.

My family is fine, and I had no major fights or issues with them. Dusie is having another baby at the end of next month, and it's a boy this time. We are interested in that experience, since we are very big on the feminist girls in our family. Peaches continues to be just the best damn kid out there, so wonderful and smart and just...awesome. She fills me with awe. And I can't stop hugging her.

Cats are good.

Spent another year without a car.

Went on a date. It sucked.

Started wearing fat girl clothes, and found I look really good sometimes. Sort of casually professional. I rely a lot on black dresses. But I want this 2 tome black and white dress.

Reached 1,000 posts on this blog. I know that's not much in comparison to others, but I have been doing this for 7 years. For me, it's a mark of preseverence and commitment and overcoming a lot of fear.

2012--I have 2 projects lined up. First, make 3 good decisions every day. I'll be documenting this for myself. No need to clutter this place up with minutiae. And second, teach the cats to go out on a leash. Every night they start this "Lady, I want to go out" routine on me, and I'm tired of it. I can't let them be outdoor cats, but they would like some excitement. So, compromise.

And you know, find a damn job.

And an interesting hobby or passionate interest. I need something to define me other than my family. Because face it, I am an olds, and rather boring. And if I am going to be single for all time, then damn it I am going to have the best damn relationship with myself that I can.

*2002, lost my job and 6 weeks after I started a new one, was in the accident when I broke my arm. Shock, surgery, trauma and the shittiness of people lead to major depression. Lasted 5-8 months.

2004, broke up with ex. 4 month depression lead up and get out, with exciting new suicidal ideleation.

2006, worked for crazy people in a job I was bad at, and then my dad died. And then I got fired. In retrospect, the 6 months I spent freezing and reading romance novels were a mild depression.

2008, the new job I had sort of pushed my depression off to Spring-Summer 2009, when it got triggered by Dusie's pregnancy and the craziness of my job. It was bad times, marked by more suicidal thoughts and a severe lack of focus.

So on top of my usual sort of mute depression, I have had a pretty good cycle of major depressions usually with a precipitating event that could be managable if I had better support networks, meds, and/or awareness.


Cookbook said...


Also I like the tag you used.

Here's to an even better 2012!

lauralynne said...

Props to you, Kerry!

Anne At Large said...

Woo, good for breaking that cycle!

And if I am going to be single for all time, then damn it I am going to have the best damn relationship with myself that I can.

I love this line. Seconding the mad props to you!