Monday, May 09, 2011

The "No Geeks" Dating Rule

As I was washing my hands in the ladies last week, I looked up and thought to myself, "I look like such a nerd. I look like Sarah Vowell." Then I thought to myself, "That's how I need to pitch myself on this dating thing--all the intellectual curiosity of Sarah Vowell, but without the Puritan fetish. My voice sounds like a squirrel hepped up on meth too."

See, there's a problem with me and the sort of men I attract with my personality and profile and such. They're all geeks. And I admit I have some geek cred too. I read some fantasy and science fiction. I have a history of LARP. I went to a college that was a mecca for virginal engineers. I'm really smart and curious, and I like new things.

But I'm not a geek. I don't want to be a geek, and I'm really wary of dating one (again). Here's my logic: while I appreciate enthusiasm and a wide range of interests, I'm not interested in having to prove myself worthy in terms of my alienation or the fringeyness of my interests. I've spent a lot of time learning social skills and how to get on in the wider world, and there's nothing wrong with that.

Does this make sense?

I'm really not going to have anything to do with a gamer again. And it's not just such crap as Open Source Boob Project. I get that there's assholes everywhere. It's mostly that in my experience with gamers, they are not successful in real life because they use games to hide and give them a sense of accomplishment. And in order to be with a gamer, you have to be in their games, which take over whole lives.

A few links:

So apparently, World of Warcraft players find love with one another. That's nice, but at the end of the day you're with someone who plays WoW.

(Oh, side note--after we broke up in 2004, the ex would send me these emails talking about how great his life now was, and one of them detailed that he and his friend had just found the perfect game that consisted of everything they had wanted in a computer game, called World of Warcraft.)

A "Yes and Yes" post on writing a personal ad. My ideal is a college professor who likes country music. I'll take an engineer with a soul music collection. My ideal? Lyle Lovett, a less aggressive Henry Rollins, or a particular old friend sans substance abuse habits.


Genevieve said...

As someone who attracts the same type of men, I will say that there are guys out there like us with some geeky interests but not falling into the "geek" category fully. As you know I am married to one. Also I have a friend who is an ex WOW player who is married to a totally non-geeky woman and not only gave up gaming when they had a baby but he turned his gaming room into the nursery. So not all guys who appear to be geeks will turn out to be like your ex.

Good luck with the online dating thing!

Genevieve said...

Also I love the article on the personal ad and think that approach would be great for you since you are very witty and funny and articulate :)