I have to start this review with a factual statement: I AM OLD. Know why? Because in 1993, at Mac's Backs Paperbacks in Cleveland Heights, OH, I picked up issue #1 of BUST. Yes, I am so old that I remember when BUST was this riot grrl, feminist-minded, sex positive alternative ladies' mag. It's morphed over the years into a more craft-minded publication, and this compilation of pieces from the magazine reflects that.
The subtitle is "Making Your Way Through Every Day," which implies a more advice-oriented slant to this book. What it is is a project book--mostly the great home decor, beauty, sewing and food projects that BUST has published in the past 10 years. There's some advice in regards to 401k plans, camping, picking out a bike, how to do a homebirth, and taking care of a dying loved one. But those sections are too brief and a cursory treatment of difficult issues. The strength is really in the fun stuff, the how to do a beehive hairdo and compost and make string lights.
This is a great gift book for someone just out of college. But as AN OLD, it just doesn't meet my needs.
PS to Debbie Stoller--Hey, you know what you should publish next? A compilation of the 20 years of the "One Handed Read" stories BUST has published.
PSS--Hey, you know what would be really interesting? A literary analysis of the themes and a content analysis of those 20 years of erotic short stories.
Showing posts with label nonfiction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nonfiction. Show all posts
Monday, January 23, 2012
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Madness: A Bipolar Life--Marya Hornbacher
Library displays work, everybody. It's what lead me to pick up this book. Here I was, just checking out my selections at the Saguaro, and this was on the shelf by the checkout machine. I hadn't read Hornbacher's previous memoir Wasted, which was nominated for a Pulitzer. But as many of you know, The Don was bipolar, and I have a general interest in it. Although I've been assured that my highs aren't mania, that just called "being happy, Kerry."
Oh my god. This is an agonizing read. Hornbacher expertly puts the reader in the middle of her struggle. She came out of her adolescence, which she spent drinking, cutting and starving herself, to a sort of steady place. She's able to write, at least. However, she still suffered from racing brain and deep depressions and mood swings. Then a new psychiatrist tells her she's such a classic case of bipolar that he doesn't know why no one noticed it. Which turns out to be the answer to what's wrong with her, and at least the starting point. Then Hornbacher ignores that for the next several years, preferring to drink, not take her meds, to wind up in hospitals, to tell herself that she's fine and can control things. When she finally does take her illness seriously, it's progressed to the place where it controls her--she spends most of the next several years in the hospital, including a 2 year period where she can't spend more than a week at home before being rehospitalized.
The power in this book stems not from the outline of the story--which is gripping enough, but not unusual. It's Hornbacher's control of her narrative voice, and the way she shows the pace of her thoughts through her writing. An example:
"It seems I've called my mother at some point in the last few days. I've been gone for weeks. My parents--now divorced, my mother living in Minneapolis with her new husband, my father with his new wife in Arizona--knew only that I was on a hiking trip with a friend. They've been worried about me for months, listening to me get crazier and crazier during our infrequent phone calls. Whatever I said to my mother when I called from Oregon must have tipped her off that I was not doing so well (No, not so well). She called her sister, who lives in Oregon, and asked her to come and get me. She also called my sister-in-law, a doctor in a Portland hospital, and made certain a bed in the psych ward was waiting for me.
But I know none of this. All I know is that I am in the beach house, and my aunt is here, and I am near tears with relief. I try to feign normalcy--give her a hug, tell her I just needed a little getaway, the beach house seemed the very place. I don't tell her I didn't even know I was in the beach house. I smile and tell her I'm writing. I babble and chatter, my speech getting faster by the second. I flit from topic to topic, unable to stop, and she nods, looking at me strangely, worried, and I don't want her to be worried, I don't want her to think I'm crazy.
Out of nowhere I hear myself lighting into HMOs and their evils, their failure to cover mental health services, and I am being extremely articulate, honing my argument, and now I am sobbing, and I say I don't know what I am going to do, I have no way to get help, and i think it's possible I may need some help, nothing serious, but maybe something to help me get back on my feet, but they won't cover anything and it's all a bureaucracy with no connection to real people with real problems who need help. I watch tears drip from my nose onto the wood grain of the kitchen table and try to get ahold of myself, to start speaking in a nice, detached, intellectual way. This will surely pursuade my aunt that I am perfectly fine, outburst aside.
Oh, sweetie, she says." (pg 126)
The whole book draws you into the immediacy of the moment, the volatility of Hornbacher's emotions. It's a powerful, engrossing read that draws upon your sympathy without abusing it. Recommended for anyone looking to understand how mental illness affects individuals and why they just won't straighten up and take their meds and take care of themselves.
Oh my god. This is an agonizing read. Hornbacher expertly puts the reader in the middle of her struggle. She came out of her adolescence, which she spent drinking, cutting and starving herself, to a sort of steady place. She's able to write, at least. However, she still suffered from racing brain and deep depressions and mood swings. Then a new psychiatrist tells her she's such a classic case of bipolar that he doesn't know why no one noticed it. Which turns out to be the answer to what's wrong with her, and at least the starting point. Then Hornbacher ignores that for the next several years, preferring to drink, not take her meds, to wind up in hospitals, to tell herself that she's fine and can control things. When she finally does take her illness seriously, it's progressed to the place where it controls her--she spends most of the next several years in the hospital, including a 2 year period where she can't spend more than a week at home before being rehospitalized.
The power in this book stems not from the outline of the story--which is gripping enough, but not unusual. It's Hornbacher's control of her narrative voice, and the way she shows the pace of her thoughts through her writing. An example:
"It seems I've called my mother at some point in the last few days. I've been gone for weeks. My parents--now divorced, my mother living in Minneapolis with her new husband, my father with his new wife in Arizona--knew only that I was on a hiking trip with a friend. They've been worried about me for months, listening to me get crazier and crazier during our infrequent phone calls. Whatever I said to my mother when I called from Oregon must have tipped her off that I was not doing so well (No, not so well). She called her sister, who lives in Oregon, and asked her to come and get me. She also called my sister-in-law, a doctor in a Portland hospital, and made certain a bed in the psych ward was waiting for me.
But I know none of this. All I know is that I am in the beach house, and my aunt is here, and I am near tears with relief. I try to feign normalcy--give her a hug, tell her I just needed a little getaway, the beach house seemed the very place. I don't tell her I didn't even know I was in the beach house. I smile and tell her I'm writing. I babble and chatter, my speech getting faster by the second. I flit from topic to topic, unable to stop, and she nods, looking at me strangely, worried, and I don't want her to be worried, I don't want her to think I'm crazy.
Out of nowhere I hear myself lighting into HMOs and their evils, their failure to cover mental health services, and I am being extremely articulate, honing my argument, and now I am sobbing, and I say I don't know what I am going to do, I have no way to get help, and i think it's possible I may need some help, nothing serious, but maybe something to help me get back on my feet, but they won't cover anything and it's all a bureaucracy with no connection to real people with real problems who need help. I watch tears drip from my nose onto the wood grain of the kitchen table and try to get ahold of myself, to start speaking in a nice, detached, intellectual way. This will surely pursuade my aunt that I am perfectly fine, outburst aside.
Oh, sweetie, she says." (pg 126)
The whole book draws you into the immediacy of the moment, the volatility of Hornbacher's emotions. It's a powerful, engrossing read that draws upon your sympathy without abusing it. Recommended for anyone looking to understand how mental illness affects individuals and why they just won't straighten up and take their meds and take care of themselves.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Now That We're Staring At The Second Recession, Will We Get Better Memoirs?
I read this older article on the poor reception for books dealing with the current economic crisis with interest (Yes, I view everything since 2008 as part of the current economic fuckup--it's all tied together). The idea that reading about the ultrawealthy losing everything to Bernie Madoff and having to scrimp not really flying with America's middle class is classic understatement.
Of course, I am eagerly awaiting W. Hodding Carter's book about frugal living. Oh, and the accompanying movie . I only hope it is in the genre of dipshit dad, as his story deserves to be depicted.
Could this bring Amy Daczyn out of retirement for an epic Mainer frugality showdown? We can only hope.
Even though it's very Oregon-centric, I do like Felisa Rogers' scavenger series for Salon. The core values of practical living in her stories are what I appreciate. And the fact that she admits she has no other choice but to make 6 dozen eggs, nettles, and scrounged mushrooms work for her and her husband. That attitude of "my back's to the wall but I I'll go down swinging" is more my style than Carter's showmanship.
Of course, I am eagerly awaiting W. Hodding Carter's book about frugal living. Oh, and the accompanying movie . I only hope it is in the genre of dipshit dad, as his story deserves to be depicted.
Could this bring Amy Daczyn out of retirement for an epic Mainer frugality showdown? We can only hope.
Even though it's very Oregon-centric, I do like Felisa Rogers' scavenger series for Salon. The core values of practical living in her stories are what I appreciate. And the fact that she admits she has no other choice but to make 6 dozen eggs, nettles, and scrounged mushrooms work for her and her husband. That attitude of "my back's to the wall but I I'll go down swinging" is more my style than Carter's showmanship.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
The Science Of Single--Rachel Machacek
I picked this up because Citizen Reader posted a review.
Frankly, this book made me wish Cookbook were single because together we would write a much more honest and hilarious memoir of dating. This book winds up being pretty dull even though Machacek goes on some funny bad dates. Partly this is due to the fact that's she attempting to be objective or perhaps not let everyone know all her business. Um, if you are writing a dating memoir, that is very tough, honey, as dating is the epitome of personal business. And she's got the "science" angle to it, which is not much of a science at all--basically she tries all sorts of dating services, bind dates, "It's Just Lunch", dating in other cities, consulting a dating coach and following dating guide advice. My office's methodologist would find this very flawed.
You can't be objective about dating. It's too individualized, as a decade or so of DateLab archives can show you. You bring your own issues and preferences to the table and trying to make it with someone else should get you to confront them. For instance, my issues are:
Independence issues--because my parents ignored me, I am very comfortable in relationships where I am ignored. Attention kind of freaks me out.
Mental health issues--the depression, the anxiety, the crazy make me the Kerry you know and love.
Not really knowing how to make small talk--again, as my therapist said, when you don't have a family that does this you don't really know how.
Seeing red flags everywhere--I admit it, I prejudge. Hence the no geeks and gamers thing.
I know, i SHOULD BE SO MUCH FUN TO DATE. Line up, men!
Machacek isn't interested in exploring her her issues or letting the reader know what they are, although she acknowledges she's in therapy (nothing wrong with that!) But you sort of get the feeling that she's not giving the dating thing her all, or enjoying it, and that she's holding back. She also really doesn't want to have to meet a potential husband sort through any of these online dating service or other "unnatural" ways--she wants a chemistry- filled meeting in a natural setting, like her parents who met in an adult education class. She just gives mixed messages to the reader throughout the book. An example of this is how she approaches sex--she doesn't want it to seem like she's made a decision to have sex, that she just goes along with it in the moment. Like the time she goes out with the sex-aggressive guy from eHarmony, stays over at his place, and then just acquiesces when she wakes up to a naked guy who mentions he's got condoms. Um, honey? It's not a shame to want sex. That's one of your issues right there.
I did pick up some good ideas from this book--to try the Onion personals and to be more forward in my dating pursuits. But I really regret the time I spent reading this book.
Frankly, this book made me wish Cookbook were single because together we would write a much more honest and hilarious memoir of dating. This book winds up being pretty dull even though Machacek goes on some funny bad dates. Partly this is due to the fact that's she attempting to be objective or perhaps not let everyone know all her business. Um, if you are writing a dating memoir, that is very tough, honey, as dating is the epitome of personal business. And she's got the "science" angle to it, which is not much of a science at all--basically she tries all sorts of dating services, bind dates, "It's Just Lunch", dating in other cities, consulting a dating coach and following dating guide advice. My office's methodologist would find this very flawed.
You can't be objective about dating. It's too individualized, as a decade or so of DateLab archives can show you. You bring your own issues and preferences to the table and trying to make it with someone else should get you to confront them. For instance, my issues are:
Independence issues--because my parents ignored me, I am very comfortable in relationships where I am ignored. Attention kind of freaks me out.
Mental health issues--the depression, the anxiety, the crazy make me the Kerry you know and love.
Not really knowing how to make small talk--again, as my therapist said, when you don't have a family that does this you don't really know how.
Seeing red flags everywhere--I admit it, I prejudge. Hence the no geeks and gamers thing.
I know, i SHOULD BE SO MUCH FUN TO DATE. Line up, men!
Machacek isn't interested in exploring her her issues or letting the reader know what they are, although she acknowledges she's in therapy (nothing wrong with that!) But you sort of get the feeling that she's not giving the dating thing her all, or enjoying it, and that she's holding back. She also really doesn't want to have to meet a potential husband sort through any of these online dating service or other "unnatural" ways--she wants a chemistry- filled meeting in a natural setting, like her parents who met in an adult education class. She just gives mixed messages to the reader throughout the book. An example of this is how she approaches sex--she doesn't want it to seem like she's made a decision to have sex, that she just goes along with it in the moment. Like the time she goes out with the sex-aggressive guy from eHarmony, stays over at his place, and then just acquiesces when she wakes up to a naked guy who mentions he's got condoms. Um, honey? It's not a shame to want sex. That's one of your issues right there.
I did pick up some good ideas from this book--to try the Onion personals and to be more forward in my dating pursuits. But I really regret the time I spent reading this book.
Monday, January 17, 2011
The Happiness Project--Gretchen Rubin
So, having seen a lot of mentions of this book in the blogosphere lately, my interest was roused. Really, what's the big fuss? Half memoir and part advice book, Gretchen Rubin spent a year trying to be happier. She was actually pretty happy to begin with, and certainly well-off and smart, so it wasn't that she was hurting in terms of having big problems to solve that were making her unhappy. Rather, she was kind of snappy to her husband and kids, and maybe not the best at challenging herself on projects, and liked to multitask and put off projects that stressed her out. Pretty normal. Oh, and she's one of those people who likes to get a gold star for doing things. So even though I didn't like Rubin, I do admire her honesty. So over the course of a year she tries various methods and themes to figure out happiness. It turns out accepting herself, being nicer to the people around her, stop having expectations and living in the moment are pretty key. WOW, what a revelation.
Of course, Gretchen Rubin was able to embark on this project because she's privileged (but Midwestern enough to acknowledge such). And it's really funny because her Happiness Project seems to be latched onto by people with big problems, like depression or no money, that they are trying to ignore. Rubin herself states several times in the book that depression isn't the opposite of happiness, it's a different kettle entirely. (True!) And frankly pretty easy to be happy if things in your life go well.
There's a quirk of this book that really annoyed me--after she starts a blog and gets comments, Rubin begins including selected comments in her book. This was irksome because it interrupted the flow of the story, and she doesn't include identifiers for the commenters. Credit the inspiration, please.
Of course, Gretchen Rubin was able to embark on this project because she's privileged (but Midwestern enough to acknowledge such). And it's really funny because her Happiness Project seems to be latched onto by people with big problems, like depression or no money, that they are trying to ignore. Rubin herself states several times in the book that depression isn't the opposite of happiness, it's a different kettle entirely. (True!) And frankly pretty easy to be happy if things in your life go well.
There's a quirk of this book that really annoyed me--after she starts a blog and gets comments, Rubin begins including selected comments in her book. This was irksome because it interrupted the flow of the story, and she doesn't include identifiers for the commenters. Credit the inspiration, please.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Collage, Assemblage and Altered Art: Creating Unique Images And Objects--Diane Maurer-Mathison
I am interested in collage, and took this out of the library to get some ideas of techniques and underlying theory. This is such an excellent book I'm compelled to review it. It's a guide to materials and tools you may need to get started working with paper, techniques to modify paper and get the look you want, and breakdown of how common techniques of altered art and collage and assemblage work to create larger, stunning pieces of art. Mauer-Mathison clearly explains the techniques behind paper embellishment so you can make unique papers to work with. She also offers breakdowns of some larger projects that go into the artist's inspiration, technique, and how/where they located their materials. A great book to help you focus on the inspiration of what you can make with your germs of ideas.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Jane Austen's Guide To Dating--Lauren Henderson
My family has caught the Jane Austen bug. We're all watching the PBS versions, and my mom has picked up all the books too. I am woefully behind on the films, but I am catching up. We now have topics of conversation.
Between the advent of the series and MFA Jane and I taking up worldwide domination by dating, I've had to bring out my copy of this title. It deserves more widespread attention. It has been sadly neglected in the readalike lists for Austen that I've seen. This is my favorite dating advice book. Most dating books make me feel unnatural. Apparently, I am a man--I am direct, I don't grasp the games and witholding affection, waiting annoys me. I like you, please kiss me. The only thing I do right is wear a skirt. Oh, hell.
I love this book because of the commonsense approach combining advice, case studies, and analysis of literature. Lauren Henderson distills 10 dating principles from all of which are commonsense ways of dealing people in any relationship, not just courtship. Show your interest, trust yourself, don't settle, look for someone who will bring out the best in you. She then brings in as evidence regular modern people who screwed up or succeeded in love, and analyzes all the couple in Austen's novels, from the doomed (Marianne and Willoughby) the unhappy (Mr. & Mrs. Bennet, Charles and Mary Musgrove), and the happy (Darcy and Elizabeth, Captain Wentworth and Anne Elliot).
This book is addictive and readable. It's a bit of a crib book on the novels, since it goes into great detail about the characters and plots. There's quizzes to help you figure out what Austen heroine you may be, and which hero your fellow may be and how well you are suited. And the stories Henderson tells back up her theories and analysis persuasively. She's got a chatty tone to this book that reassures and guides the reader. It's very girlfriend/sister giving advice. But most importantly, it is reassuring to those of us who may feel confused and apprehensive about putting ourselves out there and trying to find a mate. As modern women we may not be financially dependent on the institution of marriage to secure our futures, but the search for love and partnership is still nerve-wracking. Henderson counsels that by being yourself you will wind up in the best situation for you, which is more important than perception of status or wealth by those outside the relationship (example, Elinor Dashwood and Edward Ferrars).
Henderson is best know for her mystery series with renegade sculptor Sam Jones, a great series whose irreverent narrator toned down some horrific events. This nonfiction book shares arch observations of human nature and great humor.
Between the advent of the series and MFA Jane and I taking up worldwide domination by dating, I've had to bring out my copy of this title. It deserves more widespread attention. It has been sadly neglected in the readalike lists for Austen that I've seen. This is my favorite dating advice book. Most dating books make me feel unnatural. Apparently, I am a man--I am direct, I don't grasp the games and witholding affection, waiting annoys me. I like you, please kiss me. The only thing I do right is wear a skirt. Oh, hell.
I love this book because of the commonsense approach combining advice, case studies, and analysis of literature. Lauren Henderson distills 10 dating principles from all of which are commonsense ways of dealing people in any relationship, not just courtship. Show your interest, trust yourself, don't settle, look for someone who will bring out the best in you. She then brings in as evidence regular modern people who screwed up or succeeded in love, and analyzes all the couple in Austen's novels, from the doomed (Marianne and Willoughby) the unhappy (Mr. & Mrs. Bennet, Charles and Mary Musgrove), and the happy (Darcy and Elizabeth, Captain Wentworth and Anne Elliot).
This book is addictive and readable. It's a bit of a crib book on the novels, since it goes into great detail about the characters and plots. There's quizzes to help you figure out what Austen heroine you may be, and which hero your fellow may be and how well you are suited. And the stories Henderson tells back up her theories and analysis persuasively. She's got a chatty tone to this book that reassures and guides the reader. It's very girlfriend/sister giving advice. But most importantly, it is reassuring to those of us who may feel confused and apprehensive about putting ourselves out there and trying to find a mate. As modern women we may not be financially dependent on the institution of marriage to secure our futures, but the search for love and partnership is still nerve-wracking. Henderson counsels that by being yourself you will wind up in the best situation for you, which is more important than perception of status or wealth by those outside the relationship (example, Elinor Dashwood and Edward Ferrars).
Henderson is best know for her mystery series with renegade sculptor Sam Jones, a great series whose irreverent narrator toned down some horrific events. This nonfiction book shares arch observations of human nature and great humor.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
500 Great Books By Women--Erica Bauermeister, Jesse Larsen and Holly Smith
Published in 1994, this book is a great reader's advisory tool. It consists of short summaries of notable fiction and nonfiction by female authors, arranged by themes. The themes include Art, Growing Up, Violence, Power, Work and others. The best thing about this book is that it truly succeeds in bringing in non-Western writers and writers not of the current or modern period and the book descriptions are well-written and appeal to the adventuresome reader.
Definitely a book to keep an eye out for if you do reader's advisory or want to come up with a theme list, or if you are looking for good reads for yourself. It's still in print and available new or used online, and also available in at least 1 Clevnet library.
Definitely a book to keep an eye out for if you do reader's advisory or want to come up with a theme list, or if you are looking for good reads for yourself. It's still in print and available new or used online, and also available in at least 1 Clevnet library.
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Book News
Okay, so I was reading Publisher's Weekly at the Ref Desk last month and saw that the American Girls series has a new character--Julie, a girl growing up in 1976 San Franscisco. I about died and felt so very old that the 1970's are now historical, even thought I was a toddler in 1976. Miss G., who's a bit older than me, was charmed and wants the whole set. She has the Little Miss G(s) to think of.
Logically, I know I'm in my thirties, but I so do not want to believe it.
The JT Leroy scandal ends and we should all feel so very sorry for its fucked up perpetrator. Um, no. It was fraud--it's one thing to have an alias and a writing persona, but it crosses the line when the character of the author and the spectacle she creates and uses to sell the books eclipses the quality of the writing.
Slate's take on the Alvarez book is much like mine, but a little harsher.
And no one reads. The few of us who do read, read a lot, in order to make up for the rest of you. Isn't there a WPA-like program for that, subsidizing us great readers so we can benefit the rest of you?
Logically, I know I'm in my thirties, but I so do not want to believe it.
The JT Leroy scandal ends and we should all feel so very sorry for its fucked up perpetrator. Um, no. It was fraud--it's one thing to have an alias and a writing persona, but it crosses the line when the character of the author and the spectacle she creates and uses to sell the books eclipses the quality of the writing.
Slate's take on the Alvarez book is much like mine, but a little harsher.
And no one reads. The few of us who do read, read a lot, in order to make up for the rest of you. Isn't there a WPA-like program for that, subsidizing us great readers so we can benefit the rest of you?
Friday, August 17, 2007
Once Upon A Quinceanera--Julia Alvarez
So how did I come to buy this hardcover and read it? Blame my family. I went to NJ last weekend, and by coincidence the Texas contingent was in town for a wedding, and Sunday morning found us over at the Windsor Diner talking about weddings and other insanity, and this book was mentioned. Probably by me. No, certainly by me. And one thing lead to another, and I was in a bookstore that afternoon and it was purchased. You can get people to buy and read all sorts of books if only you get the idea on front of them. Oh, and deprive them of the computer too.
Anyway, so Julia Alvarez spent a year researching the modern day insanity of the quinceanera, the "traditional" ceremony in which a Hispanic girl celebrates her 15th birthday and sort of symbolically becomes an adult and/or marriageable. Here's the thing--the quinceanera or "quince" is on the cusp of hitting the mainstream/crossing over to Middle America as a ritual for various reasons stemming from the rise of the Hispanic culture, the lack of such formal rituals in the US, television mega party coverage and shopping culture.
Alvarez makes a lot of good socio-cultural points in this book and she does a good job of outlining and linking concepts like consumption, cultural mores surrounding money, tradition, class, immigration and assimilation, telegraphed messages of sexuality and melding of different cultures. The problem is that she crosses this sociological study with a memoir about her coming to America in late childhood and how she tried to find her way into adulthood. But then, it's a pretty slight book-she's got maybe 175 pages tops about quinces, and she needed to pad it out. It's all pretty interesting though, but I prefer the bits on the quinces and wish she'd pressed her subjects harder and dug up more detail. Because as she describes it, the whole quince thing is just fuzzy--even the people paying thousands of dollars for the celebration and the girls going through it can't really pinpoint what it all means, either individually or to the larger group. Alvarez has a lively style--her fiction writing chops show through--and it's a quick, interesting read.
So this book next goes to my mom, my Aunt Mary Jane, and then hopefully down to Texas to my other aunt and cousin. Anyone else want to read it? I paid full price for it and I feel everyone should get a chance at it. And by the way Genevieve, you will be happy to know that I pulled out the personal library kit you gave me a while back to record this book's journey.
Anyway, so Julia Alvarez spent a year researching the modern day insanity of the quinceanera, the "traditional" ceremony in which a Hispanic girl celebrates her 15th birthday and sort of symbolically becomes an adult and/or marriageable. Here's the thing--the quinceanera or "quince" is on the cusp of hitting the mainstream/crossing over to Middle America as a ritual for various reasons stemming from the rise of the Hispanic culture, the lack of such formal rituals in the US, television mega party coverage and shopping culture.
Alvarez makes a lot of good socio-cultural points in this book and she does a good job of outlining and linking concepts like consumption, cultural mores surrounding money, tradition, class, immigration and assimilation, telegraphed messages of sexuality and melding of different cultures. The problem is that she crosses this sociological study with a memoir about her coming to America in late childhood and how she tried to find her way into adulthood. But then, it's a pretty slight book-she's got maybe 175 pages tops about quinces, and she needed to pad it out. It's all pretty interesting though, but I prefer the bits on the quinces and wish she'd pressed her subjects harder and dug up more detail. Because as she describes it, the whole quince thing is just fuzzy--even the people paying thousands of dollars for the celebration and the girls going through it can't really pinpoint what it all means, either individually or to the larger group. Alvarez has a lively style--her fiction writing chops show through--and it's a quick, interesting read.
So this book next goes to my mom, my Aunt Mary Jane, and then hopefully down to Texas to my other aunt and cousin. Anyone else want to read it? I paid full price for it and I feel everyone should get a chance at it. And by the way Genevieve, you will be happy to know that I pulled out the personal library kit you gave me a while back to record this book's journey.
Monday, July 23, 2007
The Introvert Advantage: How To Thrive In An Extrovert World--Marti Olsen Laney, Psy.D
Here's the deal: I am an introvert. Hell, I even come from a family of introverts. Together, we are completely happy sitting around and not talking. We don't need to be entertained. Family get togethers are often punctuated by at least one person vanishing for 15 minutes or so into another room for a little timeout.
I may be an introvert, knowing and proud, but even I picked up some insight from this book. Laney does a great job of explaining how the intovert experiences the world, how intoversion is different from shyness and social awkwardness, and giving good detailed strategies on working with your temperment and navigating relationships with extroverts. It's a thorough, excellent book for anyone with an introvert in their life. And it's a great book for introverts because she has some good strategies for managing your energy and breaking out of the ruts we often find ourselves in.
What did I pick up from this book? The fact that introverts gets just as overwhelmed by information as they do people contact, and we can wind up paralyzed by TOO MUCH! Which is a problem because we are people who want to know everything and think on it before committing to a plan. I recognized the problem; I just never connected it to being an introvert. And it's not lazy to be someone who needs a lot of downtime to process things. It reminded me of my favorite Andy Warhol quote about the machinery always working, even when you sleep. And my inability to multitask--sign of the introvert.
I may be an introvert, knowing and proud, but even I picked up some insight from this book. Laney does a great job of explaining how the intovert experiences the world, how intoversion is different from shyness and social awkwardness, and giving good detailed strategies on working with your temperment and navigating relationships with extroverts. It's a thorough, excellent book for anyone with an introvert in their life. And it's a great book for introverts because she has some good strategies for managing your energy and breaking out of the ruts we often find ourselves in.
What did I pick up from this book? The fact that introverts gets just as overwhelmed by information as they do people contact, and we can wind up paralyzed by TOO MUCH! Which is a problem because we are people who want to know everything and think on it before committing to a plan. I recognized the problem; I just never connected it to being an introvert. And it's not lazy to be someone who needs a lot of downtime to process things. It reminded me of my favorite Andy Warhol quote about the machinery always working, even when you sleep. And my inability to multitask--sign of the introvert.
Friday, March 23, 2007
From Front Porch To Back Seat--Beth Bailey
Like many of you, I have heard a lot over the past month about Laura Sessions Stepp's new book Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love, and Lose At Both. I'm 9th in line on CPL's waiting list for it, so in the meantime I turned to this book. I remembered reading it in high school or college and being favorably impressed. On rereading it, I have to say that I'm awfully disappointed that NPR did not think to get Beth Bailey and LSS on air together for a critical thinking skills smackdown on dating through the ages.
Here is the thesis of Unhooked as I have gleaned it from the media coverage: Younguns these days don't have relationships, they just have indiscriminate sex. And they talk about it openly, which is bad. If you want sex, you should be discreet and sneaky about it. And the hookups are bad because they don't allow for the learning curve of how to decide what you want in a partner which is why dating around is such a marvelous thing. Or, girls get themselves into these exclusive proto-marriages in which they stagnate. Oh, and by just having sex you don't learn how to handle negotiation and the relationship skills you need in a long term relationship with a single person. And why women losing out on these valuable skills is something we should be concerned about (as opposed to any relationship skills gap men might have) is because women are the sexual gatekeepers.
No, I am not making this up. Go look up some of the coverage on this book. To complicate matters, LSS's book is supposedly based on some sort of private survey research combined with in-depth interviewing, so it sounds awfully anecdotal, but I haven't read the book.
Bailey's book is historical in nature--she's taking her evidence from articles, college archives, and the like. Like LSS, she concentrates her research on how young people (high school and college aged) dated and courted from about 1900-1960, and what the changes in custom and practices reflect about America and personal relationships. The main thrust is that by about 1920, courting had moved from a practice that took place in a girl's home under her parent's eyes and was a fairly serious step on the course to marriage (think the fundamentalist Christian dating practices of the modern age) to an activity that took place outside the home and involved the purchase of entertainment, food, and the privilege of being in a public space. Therefore, dating becomes less about any personal sparkage than a popularity contest in which girls compete to prove to boys that the pleasure of her company is a valuable commodity worth paying for. Keep in mind, this popularity contest can only function in a stratified and regimented society, hence youth culture. Because really, once you're out of college, you are competing in a different level about different things, no? Mostly.
Also worth noting is that dating is a serious activity that determines a girl's worth, but the goal is to have a lot of beaux for the early part of the century. Then in the 1950's there's a shift, and exclusive relationships are the ideal. Why? WWII. The US didn't lose a whole generation of the men the way Europe did with WWI with 5 years of war and a flu epidemic, leaving a lot of single women with no eligable marriage partners. WWII and the GI Bill brought a lot of men back into an artificial youth culture of the college campus, where men were a scarcity and needed to be snapped up. Plus with the general tone of the time pushed marriage and settling down and rebuilding the country to a generation who had grown up with first the Depression and then the war, and who were frankly tired and exhausted, and the young just adopted the values being pushed on their elders.
But sex! People weren't having all this premarital sex, right? Bullshit!. Sexual activity has always gone along with dating. What has changed is a) what people do (Bailey charts the changes in what is considered acceptable--the Victorians thought that handholding pushed boundaries, but by the 1930's necking and petting are commonplace practices) b) where they do it (namely the car--lookout points and parking spots emerge as a way of using public peer pressure to not let activities go too far) and c) what consequences you face for your activity.
Bailey's book is concise, very enjoyable and illuminating. So far she kicks LSS's ass on the research and thesis, but I'm still waiting for Unhooked.
Here is the thesis of Unhooked as I have gleaned it from the media coverage: Younguns these days don't have relationships, they just have indiscriminate sex. And they talk about it openly, which is bad. If you want sex, you should be discreet and sneaky about it. And the hookups are bad because they don't allow for the learning curve of how to decide what you want in a partner which is why dating around is such a marvelous thing. Or, girls get themselves into these exclusive proto-marriages in which they stagnate. Oh, and by just having sex you don't learn how to handle negotiation and the relationship skills you need in a long term relationship with a single person. And why women losing out on these valuable skills is something we should be concerned about (as opposed to any relationship skills gap men might have) is because women are the sexual gatekeepers.
No, I am not making this up. Go look up some of the coverage on this book. To complicate matters, LSS's book is supposedly based on some sort of private survey research combined with in-depth interviewing, so it sounds awfully anecdotal, but I haven't read the book.
Bailey's book is historical in nature--she's taking her evidence from articles, college archives, and the like. Like LSS, she concentrates her research on how young people (high school and college aged) dated and courted from about 1900-1960, and what the changes in custom and practices reflect about America and personal relationships. The main thrust is that by about 1920, courting had moved from a practice that took place in a girl's home under her parent's eyes and was a fairly serious step on the course to marriage (think the fundamentalist Christian dating practices of the modern age) to an activity that took place outside the home and involved the purchase of entertainment, food, and the privilege of being in a public space. Therefore, dating becomes less about any personal sparkage than a popularity contest in which girls compete to prove to boys that the pleasure of her company is a valuable commodity worth paying for. Keep in mind, this popularity contest can only function in a stratified and regimented society, hence youth culture. Because really, once you're out of college, you are competing in a different level about different things, no? Mostly.
Also worth noting is that dating is a serious activity that determines a girl's worth, but the goal is to have a lot of beaux for the early part of the century. Then in the 1950's there's a shift, and exclusive relationships are the ideal. Why? WWII. The US didn't lose a whole generation of the men the way Europe did with WWI with 5 years of war and a flu epidemic, leaving a lot of single women with no eligable marriage partners. WWII and the GI Bill brought a lot of men back into an artificial youth culture of the college campus, where men were a scarcity and needed to be snapped up. Plus with the general tone of the time pushed marriage and settling down and rebuilding the country to a generation who had grown up with first the Depression and then the war, and who were frankly tired and exhausted, and the young just adopted the values being pushed on their elders.
But sex! People weren't having all this premarital sex, right? Bullshit!. Sexual activity has always gone along with dating. What has changed is a) what people do (Bailey charts the changes in what is considered acceptable--the Victorians thought that handholding pushed boundaries, but by the 1930's necking and petting are commonplace practices) b) where they do it (namely the car--lookout points and parking spots emerge as a way of using public peer pressure to not let activities go too far) and c) what consequences you face for your activity.
Bailey's book is concise, very enjoyable and illuminating. So far she kicks LSS's ass on the research and thesis, but I'm still waiting for Unhooked.
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