Wardrobe Therapy: Week 5 Questions

And we come to a finish...

Looking over the items from past weeks that suit you and make you happy (particularly the Superstars), what features (shape, color, fabric, etc.) define your personal style?

Okay, I didn't ever get around to taking pictures in week 3 of my suits and bottoms, so you'll have to trust me on this. And I currently have little lighting or anywhere but the bed or the floor for photographs, so you might get them in the future, but maybe not.

But here goes:

A line skirts
Polka dots
Sweaters
Cashmere and other soft natural fabrics
Embroidery--I have black and tan as neutrals, but I typically pair that with at least 2 forms of color
Color--green and purples and red/pink. Also orange, although I don't have much.
Contrast detailing
Pink

Today's outfit is an example--I have on black pants, the black suede heels with grey trim, a winter white sweater with my rose scarf, and my pink corduroy jacket. As accessories, I have my pink ring and my black purse. My mom is coming intonight so I am expected at Dusie's.

If you had to sum up your personal style in 5 words or fewer, what would those words be?

Contrasting, detailed, authoritative yet friendly.

But I really like how Wende described me: Yes, contrasting lining IS you. Piping, too. Like how people expect French chocolate boxes to be, with one colored paper on the outside and another (polka-dot?) paper on the inside, and all the cups holding the chocolate in colors that pick up the colors in the paper. Sensual and at the same time with a little crispness and order, and a sense of working one's way to a pleasant surprise.

Which explains my polka dot love--you have contrast and color all in one!

As for contrast--I think I'm drawn to it because I'm so many things at once I find it hard to label or describe myself. Extreme logic combined with extreme emotion, moving between two modes within seconds.I'm a prep school graduate with a thing for country music. A liberal wannabe gun nut who is sort of looking forward to anarchy in the streets. A rules-loving rebel. A very smart woman who sucked at school. An obsessive reader who doesn't own books.

How does that style connect to your values?

Values: I think Wende and I have differing definitions of this word and I’m not sure if we’re on the same page. So I am going to answer the question in a roundabout way with a series of insights/stories.

A while back on her blog she had a question up—what are the three things you want the other to think of you when you first meet and get to talking? I said that I wanted the other person to be charmed, a little turned on in an intellectual fashion, and surprised.

Then I tipped the cup of honesty over. I confessed that this was because if you were charmed by me, you wouldn’t hurt me. If you were surprised, and turned on, I had a little power over you.

I was a little embarrassed to be so honest, and weird, but it’s accurate. I don’t have a lot of faith in getting a basic level of decent kindness and respect from the world as an anonymous person walking down the street. There is something about me that attracted at best others’ indifference and at worst cruelty when I was young. I am always afraid that that is going to be flung my way in any sort of situation. So my clothes and my manners shield me—I don’t want to call attention to myself, but I also don’t want to give you any reason to stereotype me or not take me seriously. Lord knows the boisterousness does that job. If you have to work to find who I really am, you’re not going to be able to hurt me—it won’t be worth the bother. People are lazy. You don’t have to like me; you do have to be respectful.

So that’s how I navigate the world. I realize and agree that this thought pattern is a little screwy. Truly, it’s based on a lot of bad experience. I was going to go back to therapy for multiple reasons, not just that this is detrimental--I'm actually comfortable with the thought, just not the behaviors it provokes. Aside from my choice of clothes.

On another note…

See that photo of my Christmas card above? I was walking off to mail them when I was reminded that that illustration looked like something I was given when I was very small, a china snack plate and teacup set. At the bottom of the cup there’s a picture of a woman’s face—big eyes, red lips, little spit curls. I was only allowed to use this on special occasions like my birthday or dire sickness. And it hit me—that’s what I’ve been trying to look like most of my life. This is the image that formed my fascination with bobbed hair and red lipstick and pale skin. Everything I buy and feel comfortable with can be traced back to this image. Granted my flapper girl style is more mussed around the edges like poor Clara Bow; but like Clara, I’m a real person with bad memories creeping around the edges.

Here’s the thing—I like my clothes, I like myself, and I think that both go together very well. Alone, I choose well for myself and I just need to keep a running inventory of where I have gaps and actually make it a habit to go out and try to fill the needs.

And what WT gave me is permission to express that bit of formality and remove that I need to be more comfortable in the world. I don't like looking sloppy or "comfortable" in my clothing--my level of casual is other people's business dress.

Thanks, Wende. I learned a lot.

Priorities/Needs:
Orange cardigan
Black cardigan
New suit w/ skirt for fall/winter and another for spring/summer
Bras
More shoes that are suitable for work but can also be worn on weekends for doing non-athletic things.
More black pants and skirts that can be worn over the next few months at work—I just have a death of things here.

Wardrobe Therapy: Week 5

Okay, jewelry and accessories below, but first a few words on the other categories of clothing covered in this week:

Fancy dress clothes--I don't really have any of those. Oddly enough, you know when I had and wore a lot of black cocktail dresses? Sophomore year of college. Good times. Never repeated.

Exercise clothes--Should I be stirred to exercise, I have a variety of t-shirts I don't mind staining with sweat, a pair of yoga pants, a pair of shorts, and a pair of sneakers.

Clothes worn by a 30's movie heroine entertaining a late night guest--I'll start buying for this occasion when it looks like it has a snowball's chance in hell of happening. I don't think the lessons of The Secret are really applicable to wanting an evening with a tuxedo-clad gentleman tickling the ivories as I mix us cocktails.

And now, onto pretty things!

Jewelry:



This is my jewelry box. Cute, huh? I got it at a thrift store.



Earrings. One pair is round tiger's eye drops. When I wear earrings, I wear those. The others are some cheapy brown bead things that I don't wear.



None of these watches tell time; I should take them across the street for new batteries. One is Native American turquoise and carnelian butterflies on a cheap watchband, one is a mood watch, the silver link one was a gift from the ex, and the Seiko was a gift from my parents. On the left is a vintage charm bracelet that fits; the one on the right doesn't but has more individual, weird charms like the "Future Teachers of America '38" charm.



I do like rings. The tourmaline is there; it wants to be worn with chocolate brown nails, so that is my beauty pursuit for the weekend. The enamel flower ring is costume from BR. The enormous glass flower ring is one I bought for a costume; I like it but it seems a little over the top, even for me. The pearls get worn occasionally.



Silver necklace that forms a soft V. I bought this in one of my favorite vintage places in Lakewood. I like the weight of it. Dusie was complimentary when she polished it for me a while ago.



The earring is a silver Tiffany flower. THe ex hated those earrings; he thought they were gaudy. He was an idiot. I think I have the mate with my grandmother's silver in OH--the cocktail kitties decided to play with them and I seemed to be missing one or the other for a while. The turquoise and silver bug brooch should get polished and worn more regularly.



I bought this in a consignment shop in Red Bank almost 20 years ago. It's a copper leaf choker. I was wearing it and a dark green turtleneck and jeans with a back velvet blazer from the 70's that had belonged to my mom when I got picked up for the first time by a guy in a coffeehouse above The Dublin House. We went off to the golf course out on the road to Highlands and made out. He never called me.



And these are my pearls. I got them for my 16th birthday. This was in the early 90's, my dad was out of work, and yeah, I wondered why the hell they bought me these instead of something sensible like school clothes. I don't often wear them. Yes, I do have mixed emotions about status, class and aspiration when I look at them. They are not really me, but like with that messenger bag I think that if they went missing it would be noticed.

Accessories:



These are belts that I bought for $1 each at Marshall's. They go with lots of my wardrobe--they brighten up the black pants and jackets w/sweater variations, and also go with casual pants. And when I went back a couple of weeks later and saw they still had them, I bought an extra of each.

Oh, and I got a joking comment on the purple one at work from someone who said, "That isn't an auditor style belt, Kerry! Too bright!" Considering the comment come from a guy who looked like his former Peach Corps volunteer self until casual dress ended Columbus Day weekend, at which point he returned to work with his hair shorn and looking like a banker, I took it lightly.



And this is the only decorative scarf I have, often worn as a belt.

Wardrobe Therapy: Catchup Edition--Outerwear & Shoes

So on second thought, I do have other forms of outerwear. It's just I automatically think "winter coat" when I hear that word. Missing is a picture of my dusky pink corduroy blazer. It's at the cleaners. It is heavy enough for raw spring days in April and May in Ohio, or 50ish degree Phoenix winter days.

I bought this 6-7 years ago at the Gap in Tower City. It was marked down 50% and cost me $100 and was one of the most expensive things I ever bought. I visited it ardently for weeks before it was marked down. That was a great sale Gap--now Tower City can't even support an Ann Taylor.



And here are my shoes:



Velveteen Rabbits: The red loafers, my daily wear/house sandals (I just buy new ones every summer--this year I'll have quite a selection), and my square toe low heels with the white contrast.

Superstars: The black suede heels, their cousins in brown leather, my other brown heels with the strap, my black strappy Mary Janes, the awesome burgundy low heels that manage to be wearable despite being half a size too large.

Stalwart Staples:Navy blue clunky heels. And the brown nubby sneakers with pink trim on the straps.

Torture Devices: Just call them gorgeous but merciless--the pointy pink shoes (but the pink!), the brown pumps that have a smidge too high a heel, the pearly gray heels (How are you supposed to clean marks off patent leather? And ever since I went to Sweet Pea one day and got off at the wrong stop and had to walk--let's just say the ow starts when I walk out the door, and there's no relief. EVER.)

Mystery of the Lost Shopping Trip: Weird brown flats, because they are flat. And those blue flats with the pink trim--they are too cute and sadly, I am no longer that young.

Wardrobe Therapy: Catchup Edition--Purses

I have 4 purses, all purchased recently. The pink one was a Goodwill pick-me-up and it's going back because nothing really fits in it and it's a bit worn. Yes, although purple handbags were the trend of the fall, I bucked that trend and went for the green. The big green bag holds a lot and gives kick to a lot of outfits. The two smaller bags are the same but in different colors. Behold!



Not the contrast lining and details? That's what makes it a Kerry bag.



How cute! Lisa S., this picture's for you. try not to fall on the floor as you spy...secret inner pockets for the totally organized!



And here's something that I own, but don't use, and I'm going to try to explain why in a way that doesn't make me look like an ungrateful, rotten bitch:



Yes, that's a Coach messenger bag in very good condition. Yes, you can go Google it and see how much it costs.

I didn't buy this for myself. It was a gift from my parents when I got into graduate school. Because in my family you get nice briefcase type things when you go to grad school. Even if it's library school, and a cheap state school nonetheless. Hey, I was paying for it.

I've half-joked about librarians and how there's a professional culture that prides looking frumpy and drab. When I started grad school I was working at the medical ghostwriters, all of whom were Ph.D scientist types happy they could wear jeans to work. And then I moved onto the awful bank, and then onto my 2 part-time public librarian jobs, one of which was in the poorest suburb of Cleveland, and now in my life as a civil servant. I have never belonged to a professional circle where this bag wouldn't raise an eyebrow, and not in a complimentary way.

This bag makes me feel awkward and conspicuous and misunderstood in ways I can't even find words to describe. It belongs to the person I am supposed to be that I never got the plan and rules to become--the woman who got straight As and elected to the Honor Society and went to law school. Despite my prep school background, that's not me. I was the lonely screw up with no friends who wound up with a freaking library degree. And while I like and respect who I am, this bag oppresses me and makes me feel small and like a failure. I used to tell my father that if he wanted a different daughter, the one with a PhD or a medical degree, that he should have raised that daughter and not me, that I never got the message that that was expected me or the tools to make it happen.

This bag is a Status Symbol for a culture I don't belong to and for a language I don't even speak. And I can't get separate myself from it. So it lurks in parts of the closet that I don't check, waiting to sucker punch me with emotions I hate.

Commence Mocking In 3...2...1...

So, you know how I moved from a place with an average of 66 full days of sun per year to a place with 310 days of sun a year? The kicker is that when it's one of those few cloudy days, it's a real shock to the system. It was gray when I woke up and in the 40's. It didn't get above 53 all day. I was so cold (how cold, Kerry?) I got my winter coat out of the trunk and wore it over to the cafeteria to get coffee. No, really. And it rained in the afternoon. Okay, by Cleveland standards it's a light drizzle but out here we were practically panicked and drenched. And now there's no sun until Thursday and snow up in Prescott. Panic in the streets!

Curse Word Of The Week: Bernanke

So the cool kids make up their own curse words, you know. I propose a new one: Bernanke Now Kerry, why take the name of the Chairman of the Federal Reserve in vain?

Because for the love of Mike, I do not have a Ph.D in economics and my stint at Princeton was in the Technical Services-Order Division at Firestone Library, but even I know that that the housing market is lousy because there's too many houses on the market and the number of foreclosures bring down the value of all the houses, and there's not enough buyers to take them off the market. Look, I took ECON 101 & 102 Pass/Fail, but they covered these concepts pretty thoroughly.

Does this plan do anything for thaat? No, it basically seeks to restart a bubble by trying to get more people to buy. Except since for about 5-6 years, everyone who could get credit to buy a house, bought a house and are now either are out of the market trying to conserve their equity, or are happy in their house or got foreclosed on and can't buy again. So where's the mystery pool of buyers who will be able to buy houses with 4.5% mortgages? And what's stopping current owners from flooding the market like Venice with more houses as they seek to buy other houses with lower rates since they can't refinance into a cheaper mortgage?

FAIL. Bernanke has the dumbs.

I don't think it's necessarily that homeowners have unrealistic views of the market they're in. I think it's that the market has fallen so fast and so far, no one knows what the price point is. My house is priced at $94,500. That's the point where I walk away with nothing having paid the mortgage, taxes and my relator. If I got an offer for less I could either work out a short sale or maybe borrow from my mom to make up the difference. But at what is seen as a competitive, low price for a house in my location, I can't even get a bid.

I am also not so impressed with the whole real estate industry and its people. I think they all have the dumbs.

In other news, homeownership makes women fat and unhappy. Yeah, that applies to my story.

36 Hours In Phoenix...With Kerry!

So the NY Times finally sent a reporter to Phoenix for their "36 Hours In" series. It's pretty good, but I think you should come stay with me--I do a better tour, and I'm a lot cheaper.

Friday

1) Okay, we should start out at the Mystery Castle. It's only $5, and it's really weird and cool. This was way far out in rural Maricopa County when it was built, and the area is now built up. The very fancy Animal Care Campus (think a homeless animal pet resort for the Maricopa County ASPCA is next door. We can go look at dogs and cats if you like.

2) I haven't been to that Garcia's (and the one that was the site of The Don's first heart attack has been torn down, sadly--I would eat there all the time if it were still open) but La Canasta Capitolios is next to the state government buildings and very good. I want Nana's chile bowl! Or if you really need a mariachi band, Las Tradicciones is downtown next to Phoenix Ranch Market which is totally crazy cheap and touristy, but who cares?

3) Plus, Hotel San Carlos is really close. We can see if we can go drinking there, or maybe they'll be running a ghost tour--the hotel is haunted.

Saturday

1) I get up early, so yes we could go to either of those places for breakfast, but we should stay closer to my place and hit either Over Easy or La Grande Orange Grocery.

2) Now we'll amble downtown--yes, we can look at the shops on Roosevelt, but we can also answer Genevieve's question of "How the hell do you have a farmer's market in Phoenix? What can you even grow in the desert?"

3) No, I am not taking you shopping at the Biltmore! Sheesh, you're here to experience Phoenix, not buy luxury crap that you can get anywhere. We will go check out the Frank Lloyd Wright architecture though. And afterwards, I suggest a little bit of protest in front of the Phoenix Country Club.

4) So if we get picked up by the cops, it's really convenient that my family's favorite bakery and coffee places are behind the jail. We can go there after Jesse X bails us out. Sweet Pea has awesome cookies and cupcakes, including the PB&J--I don't even like peanut butter, but these cookies are addictive. The Royal Coffee Barmakes the best lattes. A friend from work loves Lux, but their website scares me.

5) We can go to the Heard and feel very bad about the abuse and destruction of Native American culture, but if that's too much after our sojourn in the clink, I suggest a quick stop at the Burton Barr for reading material and then we should go and wait in line at Pizzeria Bianco.

6) Chances are it will be really, really late if we get seated and after we finish, we should just go home. BUt I will take you to the Desert Bontanical Garden in the morning after another brekkie, and see you off in the afternoon.

So what do you think? Do you want to come visit me?

You Can Sit On The Floor

I promised pictures of the new apartment a while back, and although it's no much to look atyou can check it out here. My new bed gets delivered at 6pm Monday and I anticipate being asleep in it by 6:30pm.

I was originally much more set against buying furniture, but I've decided I would like some sort of seating arrangement. I have other stuff to spend money on first though. The other thing is, I'm a messy housekeeper but I cannot see this place being a hassle to keep clean, even when kitties join the household.

Wardrobe Therapy: Week 4

Week 4

(Yes, I know I haven't finished Week 3. I like to skip to another section when I get stuck.)

Breath
• Coats
• Gloves and hats
• Scarves worn primarily for warmth rather than for decoration
• Shoes and boots
• Socks and stockings
• Purses

Coats, gloves, boots, hats and scarves: my winter gear lives in the trunk of my car, because I won’t need it until I go up to Northern AZ to look at patient files. My winter coat is eggplant; I bought it last February on sale because my mother nagged me that my orange coat was in terrible shape.

No one thought I’d actually make it to Phoenix.

Also in the trunk of my car is a pair of orange snow sneakers. I prefer them to boots—they’re easier to get on and off, and the grip is much better on ice. I also have one multicolored striped hat and scarf set, no gloves because I lost them. Yes, they do sell hats and gloves in Phoenix; they are 30% off at the moment at Target.

Socks and Stockings: I probably need more plain white socks. As for stockings, all I wear is either nude hose or knee highs.

Shoes & Purses: These require photos, so look for followup later this week.

Bones
I promise to polish the shoes that need it before I leave the house, okay?

Head
I should buy an iron and ironing board, but I am loathe to do so while 1) I hate ironing and 2) I have perfectly good set back in Ohio. I like the Ikea wooden hangers (8/$4!) and will buy more over time.

Heart
• What's your Status Symbol?
I want to be valued for the big brained, sharp-witted, enthusiastic charmer I am, not for my looks.
• Do you want this quality to be reflected in your wardrobe?
On a scale of 1-10, my personality is usually on 12. And I admit I have a weird craving/revulsion thing with people paying me attention. So no, I don’t want that reflected in my wardrobe. I use my clothes to blend in and avoid detection.
• If you want this quality reflected in your attire, how?
See above.
• Is there any garment or accessory that you always wear? If so, what does it represent to you? What about items that you frequently wear or that you ritually wear on certain occasions?
No.

I Eat Dinner

One of the things that has me reeling these days is the first world problem of "what do I eat?" Let me explain--for the last 5 months I have been living with my sister whose reign over her kitchen is absolute and strict. Fancy food is not tolerated. Great big cooking projects are not tolerated. Even before coming to Phoenix, I had lost interest in food. I like to cook for people, but not as a competitive sport.

And I should be all about the dieting, but after living with Dusie I am more of a butter addict than ever. Seriously, we were going through 3 lbs of butter a month for 3 people.

Due to an accidental sighting of the Sprout's weekly specials, I now have $7 of pork loin, which will be roasted today and served with homemade applesauce, mashed potatoes and brussels sprouts. Sometime after 3 meals of this I will make cabbage and noodles (it's cold enough here in evenings for cabbage and noodles) with the pork roast, and then I'll have to freeze the rest of the roast until I think of something else to make with it. Maybe some kind of kreplach or pierogies with saurkraut? After all, the American saurkraut industry is in flux. Eat it while you can! The pork loin is done according to a recipe in Mark Bittman's original How To Cook Everything that calls for a sugar/cayene/rosemary/garlic rub, and some basting with white wine. There was 3/$10 Chardonnay at Sprout's, so I don't feel bad that half the bottle will go to waste.

Wende or Aces, if you want to come over to eat sometime this week you are welcome. There's just nowhere to sit except the floor.

Wardrobe Therapy: Week 3

Or, "I want a girl in a short skirt and a long jacket.".

Aside from the piles, I can knock this out in a couple of minutes.

Bones: They know my name and face at the drycleaners. I have to get 1 pair of pants shortened, but otherwise I am good.

Head: There's a Goodwill bag in the car already.

Heart:The I Feel Pretty Routine. Here's the thing--I am beautiful. Not a flawless beauty, and not beautiful in what is commonly passed off as such in the media. I've got a Botticelli face or the looks of a late Victorian mushroom fairy and sometimes a space alien. I got gifted in the looks department, and I realize it was shear luck. So what I do is get my eyebrows done every 2 weeks and my hair cut every month or so, take a shower every day and put on lipstick. That's it. Sometimes I progress the makeup, but really--I like my looks.

Because Maybe I'll Have A Date in 2009

This is not meant as a comment on anyone's romantic life, but it was something I found interesting: The Five Love Languages.

It was accurate for me--I had an even split between Physical Touch and Quality Time, with Words of Affirmation and Acts of Service, and nothing for Gifts (10/10/6/4/0) Someone to cuddle and run errands with is pretty much my ideal relationship. And argue. Think The Thin Man, either film or movie. Lillian Hellman wrote that she thought when Dash gave her the manuscript to read it was one of the few things she'd ever seen that made marriage look fun.

As for gifts, anyone giving me things makes me uncomfortable. Few people ever realize that that's a possibility though.

Now, how I wound up in a long term relationship with someone who didn't like to spend time with me, felt he should get a medal for doing things for me that weren't what I needed or wanted, and gave gifts...wait, I know how I fell into that, and it's a long story for another day.

Wardrobe Therapy: Week 2 Tasks

Tired of my piles? Me too.We took care of Breath and heart there. I have no Velveteen Rabbits to fix, so that takes care of Bones. Head called for starting to secure supply lines. For T-shirts, that is Target, and for work sweaters it is Ann Taylor and Ann Taylor Loft.

Priorities going forward: Do not buy button downs for work or play as they make me look like a milch-cow. Do buy sweaters for work, but honestly I am good for the moment. Cull the t-shirts and start looking at what's out there in spring at Target. I like this cardigan in light ginger and also black, but I am balking at the price. There's a Sears across the street so a field-trip is in order.

Wardrobe Therapy: Week 2

Finally, I can finish Week 2. Here's my collection of t-shirts. I have a lot of them because I like to wear them year round but they could use some culling.



These are Mystery of the Lost Shopping Trip. Note to self: if you have large breasts, they don't need more attention by having weird gatherings of material between them. Plus, the weird gatherings are not so flattering unless you have a flat stomach. That blue one is linked to my mother; I distinctly remember buying it with her. The black one in the back is actually a Stalwart Staple but I have so many black t-shirts that I have no need to retake the picture.



I'm really struggling what to call these shirts. The closest category is Stalwart Staples but honestly, I never pick them out to wear. There's just something slightly off about each one of them: the red is too intense, the necklines are wrong, the fabric doesn't feel right, it's all too casual. Honestly, I may just give away the whole bunch because I would never wear them if something else was clean, and I have a lot of t-shirts that make me feel better when I wear them.



This is a bad picture of a good Stalwart Staple. It has 3/4 sleeves and a body-skimming triangular shape, and it's made of some poly mix that wears incredibly well.



These are are Torture Devices, but good examples of Joyous Colors.



And these are the Superstars! Most of them are Target Merona t-shirts, and if I see them again in good colors, nothing will stop me from buying them. What makes them so? Good cotton with a little spandex (I think), scoop necks and square necks, but mostly the colors. My Joyous Colors are the olive to mid-plant greens, brown, deep rose to light pinks, the robin's egg blue (but no other blues--I actually have a deep revulsion to blue), eggplant to lavender, orange, and black. Actually the black is only sometimes a Joyous Color. If the garment in question allows for enough skin to show contrast, it's good, but generally I don't like looking emo and I have a dreadful scalp disease that means I am constantly battling dandruffy flakes. It's a disease! Dr. Love will help me!

Oh, and off-white is a Joyous Color but not stark white.



Torture Device To wear this, with its odd edge of the shoulder construction, I'd either have to be in a strapless bra or constantly tuggingat something. Again, bought on a shopping trip with my mom.



Stalwart Staple.



Superstars! I love the embroidery and Russian collar on the black top. This is an item I had reservations on but Mom was right, it looks great. The olive green looks on the shelf what The Romance Heroine calls "slutty maternity wear," but on me it's awesome. The black t-shirt is a Stalwart Staple.



Stalwart Staples. I have these because I have a dress that is indecent without something underneath so when it falls open you don't automatically assume I'm coming on to you, and for under my silk shirt. And to wear to bed in summer.



Torture Devices. They fit fine. Their color disturbs me.



Sentimental Journey. Because I don't like to wear shirts with graphics or writing, but I can't resist a library joke.

Deja Vu

I moved into my new apartment last night. I was very anxious about the whole situation--what if I made a bad choice; you never can tell about places until you move in; even with the door locked I could get raped and murdered MY VERY FIRST NIGHT; it's more urban than I'm used to (and I don't mean black ghetto--it's less suburban than Lakewood); there could be weird Phoenix cockroaches along with the roof rats. Just my freakout nature. But it was really okay, and I met the security patrol and one of my neighbors, and there's internet to steal.

Now I'm just anxious because OMG, the money I have spent in the last 24 hrs. It gives me the vapors since by nature I can't spend money on useful stuff, just crap. I mean I have the cash to spend, but it's just a lot of little pesky things--a shower curtain, the rings to hang it up, dishwasher liquid, a coffee maker, and Ikea kitchen set in a box, glasses. Dusie is loaning me a spare set of dishes, thankfully,

I will take pictures and upload them to my flickr page tomorrow.

The other thing is even though this is a nice enough apartment, it's giving me a case of cognitive and emotional dissonance because it's very much like my first apartment after college which also had brown carpeting and neutral walls. Between that and the single girls status (although I wasn't single back then), new career, new town, etc,. I have this wacky feeling that I've reset the clock 11 years back. The layout here is better and there's a balcony, but it is frankly a bit down market. And I'm not ashamed that this is what my complex financial life affords me, but I do have a nagging feeling of, "oh wait--weren't things supposed to be different by now?" I don't think I've completely screwed up my life, but I was hoping to be a bit more in control of the situation by this time.

Onwards and upwards, I hope.

Joe, Joe, Use Your Mojo! Sell My House So I Can Go!

Before I left Ohio, I buried a little statue of St. Joseph under the lavender bush in the front yard. For those of you who aren't Catholic, when you have trouble selling your house you can bury a St. Joseph in the yard and pray to him and he'll help you find a buyer. St. Joseph is the patron saint of fathers and carpenters, so he's generally interested in the real estate troubles of people with starter houses. (Look, I know I'm not the most spiritually advanced person out there, but cobbled together folk Catholicism fills what little God-shaped hole I have.) Anyway, I have been having problems with the whole praying bit, although I do have a candle.

But, as The Don's daughter, I'm throwing down the way he would, bribery-style. Please, please St. Joe, sell my house and I'll give your nuns $300. There's 2 showings this weekend, and it's been on the market 6 months at a good price and I'll consider any offer. I'll venerate you in my odd, barely confirmed, Vatican 3.0 way. There will be a diorama involved.

Wardrobe Therapy: Week 2

Sweaters!



Stalwart Staple. It's a moonstone color, an oysterish off-white. Wearable with black. Not real exciting. In good shape. Eh.



In person, it's more of a bright lime green. Oh, navy suit, how I wish I had brought you with me. Mystery of the Lost shopping trip until I find something to wear you with.



Should be a Stalwart Staple, but somehow just isn't.



Velveteen Rabbits. Flattering, go with my summer suit, but never recovered from being washed.




Again, you should work but you don't. Why?



Superstars. I wasn't sure about the peacock blue but it looks good with black.



Superstars. Square necks are absurdly flattering on me, the colors are awesome, and even the round necks on the other black sweater and the orange look good.

Wardrobe Therapy: Week 2

Or, "In which it is revealed I have a lot of tops." I am going to split this up and do it by categories. First up, things that live on hangers:



This is from Old Navy--I bought it 2 years ago to wear with my winer white basket weave suit to a CPL fundraiser. $7! Since that suit is in Ohio, and since it also needs to have some decorative trimming removed that exclaims "Whoo hoo! It's 2005! Awesome!" this top is firmly a Same Time Next Year.



A dark green button down, that's a little boxy and faded but could be worn on Fridays with a cardigan. If I had more than I cardigan. Velveteen Rabbit.



I bought it because I like the graphics. Unfortunately, I have never been invited to a luau. Mystery of the Lost Shopping Trip.



Torture Device. It's a stiff lime green cotton, and it's not the greatest color for me, but it does work well with my navy suit which (sing out!) "lives in Ohio!" The sleeves are uncomfortable and unforgiving, and it has a a gap problem no matter what the bra I wear with it.



Surprisingly, this is a Stalwart Staple that might be a Superstar in disguise. It goes with my brown suit and jumper, of which the most important part, the jacket, "lives in Ohio!" But if it does match that skirt from the previous post, it gets upgraded because that is a very flattering skirt. What do you think?



Long sleeve, button down, b&w polka dot shirt. A Velveteen Rabbit because it's starting to fade. But I love it.



Mystery of the Lost Shopping Trip I would never wear this because along with an unflattering construction, it has little holes all over it that would require a tank top underneath before I felt comfortable, but with a tank top it won't fit. It got picked out on a Marshall's run with my mom.



Torture Device. Why? Although the color is great on me, this button down is a bit boxy. Plus the 3 button sleeves make it impossible to roll them up. In general, it's just uncomfortable.



Navy blue & white, short sleeve polka dot shirt, how I do love you. You may not be the most flattering garment, but you make me happy. You are however caught between Stalwart Staple and Velveteen Rabbit due to fading. I also really, really want an orange cardigan to wear with you. Then you might be upgraded to Superstar.



Mystery of the Lost Shopping Trip. Face it, schmatte, I don't know what I'll wear you with next summer, you're a little weird, but you are comfortable. You shouldn't work but you do. But you need some partners.



Superstar! Let me count the ways: polka dot, silk (so feels nice), professional, goes with anything black, and fits even with a tank underneath. Just A+ all around.I hope the dry cleaners gets the V8 spots out.



Stalwart Staples, or at least should be. They look good with lots of colors, flatter the face, and give off a calm cool and collected vibe. Please fit next summer.

Is This An Outfit?

Okay, WT followers, I have a question--is this a wearable outfit? Do these items go together or am I dreaming? The top is a light tan color with brown, white and purple flowers. The light tan exactly matches the ribbon on the skirt. THe shoes are a burgundy that picks up the color in the top.

Dusie nixed it as there is no black in the top to match the skirt, but I think that doesn't matter. Opinions?

I Iz Serious Somebody. I Wears Lousy Clothes.

DrWende bought up this topic a bit ago, but I didn't want to fill up her comments with several hundred words.

Being a drudge isn’t a rejection of self, at least not always—I think it often becomes a uniform that signifies “I am a serious person, so serious I cannot be bothered to care about clothes.” Think nuns. Think academics. Think save the world types. And too often this sort of attitude about how being unfashionable is virtue acts as a screening tool to determine if you are a serious person worthy of joining the group. I’ve joked about and decried librarian dress, but there is a real attitude in the profession, especially among the women, that 1) their brains are more important than their looks, 2) they have to be comfortable as they crawl around on the floor, dash through the stacks, deal with cranky patrons and 3) the pay is so low you can’t afford to be well dressed. So you get this aggressive pressure that crappy clothes are how you prove you are a “real” librarian-- one who isn’t paid enough to afford to wear better and is too busy/intellectual/self-sacrificing to care. We all can’t be Matthew of The Welldressed Librarian, but he makes good points that the sort of pride that starts with an individual being confidently and properly dressed can only help to elevate the whole profession.

I'm reminded of a story someone told in Alternative Press years and years ago. This guy had gone to a Chickasaw Mud Puppies concert, where he was surprised to see this totally preppy girl rocking out, and struck up a conversation and found she really knew about the music and a lot of other bands, and then he asked about her clothes, basically "why if you're such a punk are you dressed that way?" And she gave him a look and said "Don't confuse the way that I dress wit the person I am or the music I like."

And that girl’s stance is what I work to have my own life reflect. Look, it was hard to learn and took a long time, but I can’t be what I’m not. It ends badly. It’s too hard to maintain, I forget the party line I’m supposed to espouse, and I make myself and everyone else miserable. Some things are just not meant to be. So I do what is natural to me, and I hope that I'm within the lines of proper behavior. But I'm pretty sensitive for numerous reasons about people trying to bend me to their expectations--it's happened before, and I still have scars.

One of the reasons I have that odd fascination with Burning Man is that so many people who have been talk about it as if that's the only place they can be free or themselves, and I always think, "That's so dumb." It's more of a radical act just to be yourself all the time, and to make your life such that it's really your life and not a mask you wear.

I like K.L. Going's Fat Kid Rules The World for a lot of reasons (check the archives for my review) but there's a great scene towards the end where Curt and Troy are in a diner, and Curt orders Troy to watch this couple near them. And Troy doesn't get it, the couple is a perfect seeming and on a date, but after a few minutes he notices the imperfections--the woman looks really doubtful and nervous, the guy laughs at the wrong time, someone drops food. Curt tells him that music isn't about fans or being on stage, that when it works it's about those little moments where the mask drops. And the reason he wants Troy to stay with the band despite Troy's doubts is that Troy lives those moments all the time, and it's one of the reasons why Curt admires him. It's a great scene.

As for baubles.. maybe some of it is self-loathing and rejection, but I think it's more of an act of hiding themselves behind their bodies. Face it, it’s a lot easier for some women to not even think of trying to be taken seriously, to completely live down to the worst expectations for the sex. For others though, it might just be that they haven’t been put in a place where they’ve had to be credible. My friend The Romance Heroine has a co-worker who annoys her for multiple reasons, but one of them is that the coworker hasn’t got the concept of professional dress on many levels, a situation that seems to derive from the millennial generation's expectation of automatic approval, maybe that she doesn't really see herself as having to advocate as a professional, Sex and the City, whatever. And TRH and I are both baffled because we are older and accustomed to law firm hierarchies and that we struggle with the perception that we are glorified admins. My worst drudge phase was just out of school when I wore awful clothes trying to blend in, look older and serious. As I've gotten older and more sure of myself, my clothes have gotten better suited to myself because I don't have to pretend.

In Which I Attempt To Restrain My Breasts In A Socially Acceptable Manner

So I thought that based on the combination of me, my 38DD chest and the difficulties of shopping for "foundation garments that deal with one's upper parts" as DrWende* puts it, I'd have some sort of hilarious story involving my personal humiliation. Alas, there is no story. Based on an ad in O, I went to Wal-Mart in search of Curvation bras. They had 3 styles in my size; 1 fit and was workable although I never thought I'd be buying a cotton, non-underwire bra. If it holds up (ha ha, bad pun) to wear I'll be really surprised, but for $13 it was worth trying.

Yes, I am a good thinking liberal intellectual who otherwise wouldn't be caught dead in a Wal-Mart. But I also have a complex financial life involving an Excel spreadsheet.

Next month I'll stop by CC's Lingerie for what I think of as "real bras"--the cantilevered, structurally complex, modest and boring bras I usually have to buy. Victoria's Secret is a place I'd venture only if I really, really, really couldn't make myself feel bad without the help of others, and Lane Bryant has pretty larger size bras but annoys me more than Wal-Mart. Yes, truly.

*This is right up there with use of the term "dress enhancer" as the heroine of The Shadow And The Star phrases it, a term that should be modified for current garments and readopted. Oh, and Wende, bad nylon slips are available at both Target and Wal-Mart; nicer versions are found online at VS.